Blinded by the Knight
by D. M. Larson



From the published play "Between Good and Evil" by D. M. Larson available on Amazon.com

Copyright (c) 2013

Before performing this script, you must first request permission at doug@freedrama.net


Blinded by the Knight by D. M. Larson from freedrama.net

It is evening at a comic book store.  There are several posters and novelties decorating the store.  Center is a large cabinet with signs stating types of comics. The comics are facing away from the audience.  A Ninja enters quietly and looks around. She sneaks over to the book shelf and hides behind it (the audience can see her still).  Joe walks upstage of the book case.  She grabs a comic over the shelf with snakelike speed.  Joe stops and looks around but doesn't see anything and shrugs.  She sneaks away right behind him but he doesn't notice her.


Lights dim except for a spotlight and a large man in a pink suit walks in to the spotlight. 

GODFATHER

Good evening.  I'm your fairy godfather.  I bet you didn't know we were still in operation in the 21st century... we got fairies all over... just the other day my fairy godcousin Vinny got some kid their wish upon a star wish and now that kid is proud owner of one of them video game devices.  We're that good.  But you have to understand we're on a budget now... the darn economy.  Sure, I'd like to help all them poor little boys and girls get what they want, but hey... a fairy's gotta make a living too.  But you know, we always was focused on royalty... princes or princesses... We'd fix you up with a royal something or another... and then when you got your happily ever after, there was the bill... them stories never tell you about the bill.  Anywho...

Another spotlight comes up on Howard reading a comic book. 

Godfather (cont.)

There's this kid... he's a good kid... but he's so shy... can't talk to the girls.

Ashley walks by Howard who gets all nervous and hides his face behind the comic book.

Godfather (Cont.)

Then there's this princess... well, she was always told she was a princess... and she got whatever she wanted.  She loves pretty things...

Ninja appears with something shiney like jewelry and dangles it by Ashley.

Ashley

Ooh! Shiney!

Ashley whips out her credit card and grabs the jewel.  Ninja takes the card and goes.  Howard peeks over the comic at Ashley.

GODFATHER

Well, these two need to learn a lesson and that's what us fairies are best at... giving you a whole new outlook on life. 

Godfather exits.  Lights come up. Joe goes over to Ashley. 

Joe

You like kryptonite jewelry huh?

Ashley

As long as it is big and flashy, I like it lots.  Where's the little princess's room?

JOE

Back down the hall.  Look for the Supergirl poster.

Ashley

How come it is super-girl and then super-man?  Isn't that sexist?

Joe

Uh... sure.

Ashley

Well, stop doing that.

Joe

Yeah... I'll call my friends at DC comics right now and get them to change that.

Ashley

Good.  See, that's why I won the title Miss Politically Correct last year.

JOE

How many people were in that contest? 

Ashley

Doesn't matter.  The important thing is that the right person won.

Ashley exits.  Howard rushes over to Joe and lowers his comic.

Howard

Is that who I think it is?

Joe

Yup, that's Ashley Anderson, beauty queen.  Miss Teen Walla Walla, Miss Pet Lover, Miss Apple Pie... She's been the Miss of everything I think.

HOWARD

What is she doing here?

JOE

She's here to do a photo shoot. She's endorsing the store and then we're endorsing her.  See, they think she is a sure thing to win Miss Washington this year and if she can win Miss America, then this sponsorship will be gold.  My online sales with skyrocket. And she gets someone to pay some of the bills.

Howard

But how?

Joe

She's my cousin.

Howard

You never told me that!

Joe

It's a family secret.  I'm rather embarrassed by her, but it might finally be useful to know her.

Howard

I've always wanted to talk to her.

Joe

You want to talk to any woman. 

Ashley comes out and Howard lifts his comic and goes to hide. Joe goes to the front door and locks it.

Joe (cont.)

I better lock the door before the nerds start swarming.

Ashley

Ew... there's one now.  He's drooling on the window.

Joe hands her some money.

JOE

Here's your money.  Be nice.

Ashley smiles and waves and blows a kiss.

JOE (CONT.)

I think you just killed that one.

Ashley

Ready for the photo?

Joe is looking around for the camera. 

JOE

In a hurry?  Big plans tonight?

ASHLEY

My big plans are to be some where else.

Ninja puts camera near Joe unnoticed.  Joe finds it.

JOE

I want you holding a wearing this sash and holding this comic book.

Joe gives sash to Ashley.

Ashley

Miss All Knight?

JOE

It's the name of the store "All Knight Novelty."

Ashley

It sounds weird though.

JOE

And here is the comic.

Ashley

Ew!  I don't wanna hold that.  It's gross.

JOE

But she's where the store gets the name from... Knight Princess... she's a warrior princess.  I thought you liked princesses.

Ashley

But look at her outfit.  And what's she doing to that monster.

JOE

I believe she is ripping that zombie a new one.

Ashley

Ew!

JOE

I'll look for one with a better cover.

Ninja sets out a comic and sprinkles something inside the bag holding the comic. Joe finds it.

JOE (CONT.)

Here we go.  She is all dressed up for her coronation.

Joe sets up camera on tripod.  Ashley looks at comic.

Ashley

How can she fight in those clothes?  Guy always have tons of armor but the warrior women wear practically nothing to protect their bodies.

JOE

Good point.  I'll shoot off another email to my friends at DC comics.

Ashley

Ready?

JOE

Take the comic out of the bag. The plastic is making a weird reflection.  I'll be right back with another prop.  We need something else to make the picture pop.

Joe exits.  Ashley opens bag and ninja sneaks up and smashes the end of it so the power goes up in to Ashley's face.  She coughs violently as if she is going to die.  Joe runs back in and Howard cautiously approaches from his hiding spot.

JOE

What's going on?

Howard

I don't know.

Ashley

Something.. in the comic... my eyes!

JOE

What's wrong with your eyes?

Ashley

I can't see... it got in my eyes... I need help.

JOE

Wash it out with water.

Howard

I'll get some.

Howard looks around.

Ashley

It hurts so bad.

JOE

Hang on... we'll wash it out.

Howard finds some bottled water.

Howard

Here.

Joe splashes water on Ashley's face.

Ashley

Hey!  Idiot!

JOE

That didn't help?

ASHLEY

No!  It still burns and I can't see.

JOE

I'll call 911.

ASHLEY

No, no, no.  The press would be all over it.  Get the family doctor.  He'll come if you get daddy to call him.

JOE

Fine.  I'll call. 

Ashley

Don't leave me alone.

JOE

Howard is here.

Ashley

Howard?

JOE

Howard Rogers.  You know him from school.

Ashley

No.

JOE

Whatever... he's here... say hi Howard.

Howard

Hi.

Ashley

Thanks for being here to help, Howard.

Joe gets out his cell phone and goes upstage to call.

Ashley (Cont.)

You're not that creepy guy outside that drooled on the window and fainted?

Howard

No.

ASHLEY

Oh, good.  So how come I don't remember you from school? 

Howard

I... I don't know.

ASHLEY

You're shy.  That's why.  I think that's so cute.

Howard

Oh...

ASHLEY

Take my hand please and lead me to a chair.

Howard

Sure.

Howard looks very happy to be holding her hand.  He walks her to a chair (a spot with two chairs and a table).

JOE

Your dad wants me to go pick up the doctor so he gets here quicker... you okay?

ASHLEY

Howard will take good care of me. 

Joe gives Howard a thumbs up.  Howard smiles.

ASHLEY (CONT.)

Thanks so much for helping me, Howard.  I must look terrible. 

Howard

No, you look... good.

ASHLEY

You're so sweet.  Could you get my purse for me?  I might have eye drops in there.  That could help.

Ninja grabs her purse.

Howard

Do you remember where you left it?

ASHLEY

No.. silly me.. but I'm sure a smart guy like you can find it.

Howard

Okay...

Howard searches around for purse as Ashley talks.  During the following, the ninja replaces eye drops with something different that is the same shape but has scary symbol (skull or Mr. Yuck sticker).

ASHLEY

It's nice having a guy around who is so helpful.  I could get used to having someone around who does things for me like this.  I don't mean like a servant but as my special little helper.  Especially if I'm blind now... you think I'll be blind forever?  I wonder if they have Miss Blind USA?  Or maybe I'd be a shoe-in for Miss America if I'm blind.  So this could be a blessing in disguise.  You could be up there on stage with me guiding me around... I wonder if that's against the rules... I could get a cute little guide dog.  People love animals too.  A blind girl with a dog.  I'd win for sure.  Still haven't found my purse?  I wonder where it went to. 

Ninja has new eye drops in purse.  She avoids Howard and sneaks over to put it next to Ashley.

ASHLEY (CONT.)

I hope Joe didn't take it.  I have no clue why he would be you never know.  You're such a good listener.  I like that.  Most the guys I hang out with just want to talk about themselves.  They love talking about their bodies and their muscles and how they work out all the time or how they won the big game doing a touch basket or a win down or some such stupidity.  Don't you hate it when someone always talks about themselves non-stop?

Ninja wants to kill Ashley by strangling her but Howard turns to return and ninja hides.  Howard sees the purse.  He goes up and gets it.

Howard

I found it.

ASHLEY

Great!  I knew you could do it.  Now find my eye drops. 

Howard pulls weird silly things from her purse like bows, ribbons, makeup, little stuffed animals until he finds them. 

Howard

This kind of looks like eye drops but...

Ashley reaches out and Howard gives it to her.

ASHLEY

That feels right.

Howard

You sure?  It has...

ASHLEY

Of course I'm sure silly.  Now let's see if this helps my eyes.

Ninja watches.  Ashley puts in the drops. Pause.  Ashley screams.  Ninja does a victory dance as Ashley jumps up and stumbles around in pain. 

Howard

What happened?

ASHLEY

It burns!  My eyes are on fire! 

Ashley screams some more.  Ninja hides being center bookcase. Howard tries to grab her and calm her down but she keeps punching him and knocking him down.  They stumble in to center bookcase where ninja is and it falls on her. Joe and Doctor appear. 

JOE

What happened?!

Howard

She put... she wanted...

ASHLEY

The pain!

JOE

Your doctor is here, Ashley.

Ashley stops.  She sniffles and cries a bit still.

ASHLEY

Oh... good... help me, Doc.

DOC

Sit down, please, Miss Anderson.  I have something to clean out your eyes.

They help her sit.  Doctor has some eye drops.

Ashley

Will it hurt?

DOC

Don't worry.  Head back.

Doc puts in eye drops.  After a few moments, she blinks.

ASHLEY

I can see!

JOE

Thankfully that's over. 

DOC

Home James.

JOE

Joe.

DOc

Whatever.

Joe to Howard.

Joe

I bet he just made more in a minute than I make in a month.  You and Ashley good?

Howard

I think so.

JOE

Cool.  I'll take my time then.

Doc and Joe leave.  Ashley gathers up her stuff from her purse.

Howard

Need any help?

ASHLEY

You helped so much, Howard.  Oh...

Ashley sees Howard and is disappointed.

Howard

What's wrong?

ASHLEY

Well, uh... you're not quite like I imagined.

Howard

Oh... I see.

ASHLEY

You were very nice and helpful.  It was good to have your help.

Howard

Okay.

ASHLEY

I better go clean up.  I bet I'm a mess. 

Ashley goes back to bathroom.  Howard is sad and sits.

Howard

I can't believe it.  I'm finally brave enough to talk to a girl but when she sees what I look like...

Ninja manages to pop her head out from under bookshelf.

Ninja

Blind dates rarely work out.

Howard jumps up.

Howard

Who said that?

Ninja

Over here.  Under the bookshelf.

Howard

Are you okay?

Ninja

I think so... I may have hurt my ankle.

Howard

I'll get that off of you.

ninja

No hurry.  I have plenty to read.

Howard manages to life bookshelf. 

ninja (Cont.)

My knight in shining glasses.  Come to rescue me.  I hate being a damsel in distress.

He helps ninja over to the chairs.

Howard

Let me see your leg.

ninja

Here.

She gives him her leg.

Howard

Where does it hurt?

ninja

Oh, that's over here.

She gives him her other leg.

Howard

We should wrap it in something.

ninja

You can use my mask.

Howard unwraps her mask.  They pause a moment looking at each other shyly.

howard

Mindy?

Ninja

Hi.

howard

You're a ninja.

ninja

Ninja by night.  Nerd by day.

Howard wraps her ankle.

HOWARD

You're not that nerdy.

ninja

Not compared to you.

howard

Thanks.

NINJA

I'm kidding.

howard

I know I'm a nerd.

NINJA

But being a nerd is awesome.

howard

It is?

NINJA

Yeah... all the rich and powerful people in the world are nerds.  Bill Gates, Larry Ellison, Mark Zuckerberg. Nerds rule.

howard

And sports guy get all worn out and their bodies fall apart when they get old.

NINJA

And the rich nerds marry supermodels.

howard

If they're like Ashley, then forget it.

NINJA

They're all like Ashley.

Howard

She thought I was fine until she saw what I looked like.

Ninja gets quiet.

NINJA

I think you look good.

HOWARD

What?

NINJA

Nothing.

HOWARD

You said something nice, didn't you?

NINJA

Maybe.

They are quiet a moment.

Howard

So how come you're dressed as a ninja?

NINJA

There are a few precious places in this world unspoiled by people like Ashley and this store is one of those places.  I couldn't bare the thought of her ugly mug on a poster hanging in here next to these heroes.  The heroes on these walls fight for justice and the greater good.  To hang up some beauty pageant freak next to these symbols of greatest is an insult to all I believe in.

Howard

Wow... well said.

NINJA

I like talking to you, Howard.

HOWARD

I like you too... I mean talking... I would like to talk.

Ninja laughs.

NINJA

Take it easy, Howard.

Howard

I'm an idiot.

NINJA

You're cute actually.

Howard

What?  No...

NINJA

Take me out for coffee or something.

Howard

When?

NINJA

Now.

Howard

Okay.

NINJA

Let me get my coat.

Ninja runs to back of store.  Howard does a happy victory dance.  Ninja returns and he stops.  She laughs.

NINJA (CONT.)

Let's go.

As they go...

Howard

Is it okay if I get tea?  Coffee gives me the runs.

Ninja laughs.

NINJA

Sure.

After a moment, there is a knocking in the back.

ASHLEY

Hello?  Anyone out there?  Something is blocking the door and I can't get out.  Anyone?  Hello?  Help!

GODFATHER

Well, Howard didn't get the princess but he did end up with the future designer of the Waggit, a new gadget that everybody will want to buy.  No clue what it does but everyone will want it anyway.  Romance has bloomed.  They'll get their happily ever after.  The bill is in the mail.

Godfather is about to leave.

ASHLEY

What about me?

GODFATHER

I nearly forgot.  So did Ashley learn her lesson?

ASHLEY

I hear voices.  Who's out there?

GODFATHER

It's hard to say right now, but she has a long night ahead of her... maybe a light bulb moment will still happen to her.  Until then, she'll simply... be in the dark.

Godfather shuts off the lights.

ASHLEY

Oh, come on!  You're kidding me right.  Let me out of here!

END OF PLAY



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