DUELING DOCS BY TERRI STERN  

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The script may be printed and copied for free. There is no charge to use the play.

NOTE: The play may not be reproduced, redistributed or republished in any form without written permission from the author.

Thank you for selecting my script. Have fun and enjoy the play.

Sincerely,

D. M. Larson

INT. OPERATING ROOM.

Carol standing at standing over patient in full surgical garb. Mask hangs around neck. In comes Bob just seconds later and stands over patient. Bob looks over and discovers Carol standing next to him. He turns to face her.

BOB

What are you doing here, Carol? There IS a restraining order ya know.... You could be arrested.

Carol faces Bob, leans forward hands on hip.

CAROL

Yes I know and if you hadn't beat me to it, it would be YOU that has to worry about being locked up! You jerk. Why did I ever marry you?

Pointing thumb at chest

BOB

ME??? What about YOU Miss Run Around Two Shoes! By the way, did you ENJOY Ted's company last Saturday? Is he Man enough for you?

CAROL

Don't you start in with me! What about you and Alice! You couldn't keep your hands off her ! Is "groping" your new specialty these days doctor?

Patient lying on gurney. Anesthesiologist at patient's head. Bob and Carol stand side by side. Bimbo nurse next to Carol with instrument tray. Bob looks over to the Anesthesiologist.

BOB

Is the patient ready?

ANESTHESIOLOGIST

Almost. Just need to tweak the monitor.

Anesthesiologist turns with back to camera, puts on Anesthesia mask and takes a whiff and looks "high". Begins turning knobs. Pounds on monitor.

CAROL

I can't BELIEVE you are even here, especially with all those malpractice suits against you!

BOB

Oh lighten up! Those suits won't even make it to court. Besides, you're one to talk. You've had your share of suits Miss Sling Blade.

Patient raises head in alarm and make move to get up and off of gurney. Bob pushes him down and Anesthesiologist puts mask on him. Patient flails arms and passes out. Carol Smacks Bob hard on the arm.

CAROL

That's it! I want a divorce!

Bob turns to Carol and gets in her face

BOB

Great! Fine with me. Sounds good! Now just shut up and let's get this operation over with! Scalpel!

Carol to Bimbo Nurse

CAROL

Scalpel

(this scene may be funnier if the nurse is confident in each instrument she picks, she hands each instrument to Carol and Carol hands each one back until she gets the right one. Probably three wrong choices before she gets it right.)

Nurse looks at instrument tray with confusion picking up several and then putting them back. Finally hands Carol what she hopes is a scalpel.

BIMBO NURSE

Scalpel?

Carol hands it to Bob smacking his hand really hard. Bob, with a really pained voice

BOB

Okay folks! Let's rock-n-roll!

Bob begins to make first incision.

CAROL

Oh, by the way Bob, I'm pregnant.

Bobs hand jerks and slips making a nasty jagged cut on the patient. Blood spurts.

BOB

Oh oh. Quick! Hand me a sponge and suction hose! Pregnant?!

CAROL

Yes Bob, you dork...read my lips...PREGNANT!

ANESTHESIOLOGIST

His pressure is dropping!

Heart monitor is going crazy. Bob tries to resuscitate patient for about 10 seconds but to no avail. Heart monitor goes flat line_______________________

BOB

Come on! Come on! I can't lose another one! Three strikes and I'm out! Done for!

Masks come off. Doctor takes a whiff of anesthesia. Bimbo nurse is crying as she covers patients head. Carol, shaking head

CAROL

Well there goes another one. Win a few, lose a lot! That's life.

Bob looks at Carol

BOB

Pregnant huh? Well what do you say we get outta here. There's a great Chinese restaurant just across the border.

CAROL

Sounds great! I'm starving. My lawyer has been pushing me to move my practice outside the country anyway.

Carol takes Bobs arm and she and Bob proceed out of the OR, the Anesthesiologist and bimbo nurse following behind. As the door closes, the heart monitor begins beeping with a steady heart beat rhythm. Patient raises up and looks around in a daze.

PATIENT

Hey! Where did everybody go!

END OF SCRIPT

See the movie version at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VfXAqKt-vk