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SCENE 1

(PEGGY is a very small pirate girl who is anxious to be a big pirate. PEGGY enters pirate's cove and sees Pirates playing various games and enjoying grub. Everyone is much bigger than she is and she looks out of place)

PEGGY

(To audience)

Hi, I'm Peggy. Peggy the... Well, I don't have a true pirate name yet.

SCUMMY

(To PEGGY)

Sure you do. It's Peggy the Pint Sized Pirate.

(Others laugh and then go back to their games)

PEGGY

Yes, that's what they call me. Peggy the Pint Sized Pirate. But I'm tired of it. I won't stand for it anymore.

SCUMMY

Won't stand for it? I thought you were sitting down.

PEGGY

I'm so tired of short jokes. Anyway... Today is my big day. I finally was going to be a pirate. I've dreamed about this day since I was little.

(SCUMMY looks at her)

Well, I'm still little... and I'm still dreaming. But finally the day has come. I'm going to do it. I'm going to be a pirate.

(BOB and SUE come and inspect PEGGY)

BOB

No way. Pirates have to be big.

SUE

And they have to be strong.

(SUE holds out her hand to arm wrestle PEGGY)

SCUMMY

You scared that Sue will hurt you Peggy.

PEGGY

I know I'm not as strong as you but I know I'll be a good pirate. I'm a hard worker.

BOB

Hard worker? Some of the best pirates are lazy.

PEGGY

And I'm sharp as a tack.

SUE

The only sharp thing a pirate needs is her sword.

(Pokes at PEGGY with her sword)

PEGGY

So if I'm not a big, dumb, lazy killer than I can't be a pirate?

BOB

(Looks at SUE, then at PEGGY)

Pretty much.

(SUE and BOB go back to what they were doing)

PEGGY

There must be someone who would like a hard working thinker like me.

(SCUMMY laughs at her and then points to CAPTAINS who enter)

SCUMMY

Line em up!

(Pirates line up. PEGGY gets stuck behind the other pirates and hops around trying to see. She slips in between two of them)

CAPTAIN SOGGY

We need two crews for a treasure run to Tucson.

PEGGY

Tucson?

(PEGGY gets pushed back and hops around behind)

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

I get first pick. I'll take Bob the Brave

(BOB happily lines up behind SLUDGE)

CAPTAIN SOGGY

I'll take Sue the Smelly.

(Everyone steps back so SUE can move over by SOGGY who notices her odor. SLUDGE and SOGGY continue picking pirates during the following:)

PEGGY

I was so excited. This was the first time I tried out for a pirate crew. Captain Sludge had the fastest pirate around. Everyone was anxious to be with Sludge when the sea speed record of 1812 was broken. And then Captain Soggy was great too. Soggy had the only pirate ship that would go underwater. Really! But after more and more pirates were picked, I got worried because no one was picking me.

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

And I'll take Scummy the Sweet.

(SCUMMY sticks tongue out at PEGGY and lines up with others)

That's it then.

(Pirates all start to talk and go with CAPTAINS)

PEGGY

Wait! What about me?!

(Everyone stops and stares at PEGGY. Then they laugh)

SCUMMY

No way, shrimp.

CAPTAIN SOGGY

(Pats PEGGY on head)

Maybe when you're bigger.

SCUMMY

Right, that will happen.

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

Better stay here and let the big brave pirates go. We don't want you to get hurt.

CAPTAIN SOGGY

We can't handle screaming little girls on ships with sea monster afoot.

(Pirates leave and PEGGY sits by herself all upset)

PEGGY

Now I'll never be a pirate.

(PEGGY cries)

GRUNT

(Old GRUNT enters)

What's this boo-hooing I hear?

PEGGY

No one wants me to be a pirate. They think I'm too little.

GRUNT

Do they now?

PEGGY

Everyone laughed at me and said I'd be scared. I'm not scared of anything. And I wouldn't cry.

(Wipes away tears)

I'm not afraid of any sea monsters.

(Cries again)

Who am I kidding? I am too little.

GRUNT

You're not little at all you know.

PEGGY

What? Can't you see me? I'm tiny.

GRUNT

There's something I can see that's bigger than any pirate I know. Something that you'll have to see on your own.

PEGGY

I don't get it. What do you mean?

GRUNT

Give it time, Peggy and you'll see.

PEGGY

(Throwing a fit)

But I wanna be big now!!!!!!

(Jumps around and screams)

GRUNT

(Waits for PEGGY to stop)

Feel better?

PEGGY

(Calm)

Actually, yes. Thank you.

GRUNT

Very soon you'll get your chance to see what you have that is greater than most.

PEGGY

Well, I'm not moving from this spot until I find out.

GRUNT

Stubborn aren't we?

PEGGY

Peggy the Stubborn. Naw, doesn't sound right.

GRUNT

Patience Peggy. Your moment will come.

(GRUNT leaves)

PEGGY

Old people saw the weirdest things. Me being big? Now? But how? Little did I know that out at sea, something was about to happen that would change my life forever.

(A make shift sea and pirate ship is pushed in at one side of the stage by PIRATES and another make shift sea and ship is pushed in on the opposite side. CAPTAIN SLUDGE, BOB and other PIRATES are in one boat. CAPTAIN SOGGY and SUE and other PIRATES are in the other)

CAPTAIN SOGGY

Set sail for Tucson!

SUE

Captain. I see something.

SEA MONSTER

(Pops up from sea and does a Jaws impression)

Da-dum.

SUE

Did you see it?

CAPTAIN SOGGY

No.

SEA MONSTER

Da-dum.

SUE

There!

CAPTAIN SOGGY

Whale ho!

SEA MONSTER

Da-dum.

SUE

That's no whale.

CAPTAIN SOGGY

It's a...

SUE and SOGGY

SEA MONSTER!

SEA MONSTER

Da-da, da-da, da-da.

(Attacks ship)

CAPTAIN SOGGY

Everyone pirate for himself!

(Runs away screaming)

SUE

Help! It's got me.

(SEA MONSTER drags off SUE and other PIRATES. Sinks ship)

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

(Sees with spy glass)

Now wasn't that something.

BOB

What'd you see?

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

Looked like Captain Soggy's ship was sunk by a sea monster.

BOB

Sea monster? Are you mad?

SEA MONSTER

(Appears)

Did somebody say Sea Monster?

BOB

There it is!

(SEA MONSTER disappears)

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

Where?

BOB

It's gone.

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

Likely story. I think you're seeing things.

SEA MONSTER

(Pops up so CAPTAIN can't see)

Yoo-hoo.

BOB

There it is again!

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

(Turns. SEA MONSTER disappears)

Where?

BOB

Right there. I swear.

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

That's it. One more outburst out of you and you'll walk the plank.

SEA MONSTER

Yoo-hoo.

(Waves at BOB who points frantically but CAPTAIN SLUDGE is turned away. SEA MONSTER grabs BOB and other PIRATES)

BOB

Mommy.

(CAPTAIN SLUDGE is left alone)

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

It's so quiet. It's like I'm totally alone.

(Looks)

Where is everybody?

(Looks down)

Why is my ship filling with water?

SEA MONSTER

(Appears)

I believe you're sinking.

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

You think so?

SEA MONSTER

Most definitely.

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

Can you be sure?

SEA MONSTER

Quite. Because I put the hole in it myself.

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

Oh dear. You're not...

SEA MONSTER

I am.

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

Oh dear. I better...

SEA MONSTER

Run!

(CAPTAIN SLUDGE screams and runs and SEA MONSTER sinks ship)

(Back to PEGGY at Pirate's Cove)

SCUMMY

(Runs in)

Ahh! The horror! The horror!

PEGGY

What is it, Scummy?

SCUMMY

Both ships are gone. Destroyed.

PEGGY

But how?

SCUMMY

The sea monster!

PEGGY

Really? And the pirates couldn't stop them.

SCUMMY

They tried but the monster is too powerful. Both ships are gone forever.

PEGGY

How did you survive?

SCUMMY

I hid in a barrel when I saw the monster coming.

PEGGY

You hid? That's not very piratey.

SCUMMY

Please don't tell.

(SCUMMY runs and hides)

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

(Enters with CAPTAIN SOGGY)

I can't believe our ships are gone.

CAPTAIN SOGGY

And the entire crew was captured.

PEGGY

What are you going to do?

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

What can we do?

CAPTAIN SOGGY

Maybe I'll open up a little sea side resort.

PEGGY

You can't give up. What about your crew? You must save them.

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

Sorry, but I'm not going out there again. Not with that monster out there.

CAPTAIN SOGGY

And I could serve soda pop and soup with little tiny umbrellas in them.

PEGGY

So you're both a couple of chickens.

(Both CAPTAINS stop and stare at her)

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

What did you say?

PEGGY

Chickens.

(Acts like a chicken)

Brock, brock, brock.

CAPTAIN SOGGY

I could put chicken between two slices of bread. Someone showed me that on the Sandwich Islands.

(CAPTAIN SOGGY exits)

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

Fine. You think you're so brave. Then you be captain and take care of that sea monster yourself.

(Sticks huge captain hat on PEGGY and it covers her head)

Best of luck to you, Captain.

(Laughs and exits)

PEGGY

(Pulls off hat)

Captain? Was he serious? Even if he wasn't, it doesn't matter. Someone has to save those pirates.

(Grabs SCUMMY out of hiding)

Come on, Scummy. We're going to save some pirates.

SCENE 2

(PEGGY and SCUMMY appear in a small boat [they can carry out a cutout of a boat that they carry on and stand behind].)

PEGGY

So I set sail trying to find our missing pirate friends. I knew that if I could save them, then I would prove that I was worthy of being a pirate.

SCUMMY

And I knew if I went along, the captains couldn't find me and string me up for running away.

PEGGY

But they ran away too. How can they get mad at you?

SCUMMY

Good point. Let's go back and tell them that.

PEGGY

No, we've already come this far. We're not going back.

SCUMMY

But I'm...

PEGGY

You're what?

SCUMMY

I'm scared, okay? Happy now.

PEGGY

It's okay to be scared.

SCUMMY

No, it's not. Pirates don't get scared.

PEGGY

I'll bet they do. They just don't tell anyone. But it's okay to get scared.

SCUMMY

Are you scared?

PEGGY

For some reason, no. I'm not sure why. You think I would be but I'm so set on finding those lost pirates that I haven't thought about being scared.

SCUMMY

Wow, Peggy. You're really something.

PEGGY

Hey, did you just say something nice to me?

SCUMMY

(Embarrassed)

No.

PEGGY

Yes, you did.

SCUMMY

Can we stop talking now?

(Piles of broken ships are pushed in on opposite side of stage)

PEGGY

Look. Over there.

SCUMMY

What is it?

MERMAID

(Appears in front of them)

It's a pirate ship graveyard.

PEGGY

What a mess.

SCUMMY

Who are you?

MERMAID

I'm Oceanna.

PEGGY

A mermaid.

MERMAID

This is my home. But it's ruined.

PEGGY

What happened?

MERMAID

The pirates came here looking for treasure. The sea monster got mad and destroyed their ships.

PEGGY

The sea monster? Can you help me find it?

MERMAID

Why would you want to do that? Can't you see what happened to the last pirates who tried?

PEGGY

I want to free the pirates that it captured.

MERMAID

You are very brave little pirate.

SCUMMY

No, she's just crazy.

MERMAID

It's not safe. Please turn back before you meet the same fate as the others.

SCUMMY

Good idea. Let's go home.

PEGGY

I can't. I have sworn an oath to help them. Can't you show us the way?

MERMAID

I don't know the way.... but I think I know someone who does. I'll see if they'll talk to you.

PEGGY

Thank you.

(MERMAID goes)

SCUMMY

I can't believe you're asking for help.

PEGGY

What's wrong with that?

SCUMMY

Pirates don't ask for help. We do everything by instinct.

PEGGY

No wonder you're always getting lost.

WILLY

(WILLY is a whale [played by a bigger actor] and has BARNEY the barnacle [played by a smaller actor] attached to him)

The mermaid said were looking for some directions.

BARNEY

Directions? You'd get lost in a bathtub.

WILLY

Quiet you.

BARNEY

(Mocking)

Quiet you.

WILLY

Will you get off of me?

BARNEY

Will you get off of me?

SCUMMY

What is wrong with you guys?

WILLY

Barney here is a barnacle. Us whales get stuck with them sometimes.

SCUMMY

Can't you get rid of him?

WILLY

I've been trying.

BARNEY

I've been trying... but you're stuck with me baby.

PEGGY

Excuse me. I do hate to bother you, but do you know the way to the Sea Monster's lair?

WILLY and BARNEY

The Sea Monster!

WILLY

You don't want to go there.

BARNEY

The Sea Monster hates pirates.

SCUMMY

So we'd go home then.

PEGGY

No, we're going.

WILLY

Looks like you have a barnacle too.

(WILLY and BARNEY laugh)

SCUMMY

I'm not a barnacle. She's the barnacle. I'm stuck with her.

WILLY

Why do you want to find the Sea Monster anyway?

PEGGY

We have to save the other pirates.

WILLY

But I don't like pirates. Why should I help you?

BARNEY

Cause I do.

(Points)

It's that way.

WILLY

Don't tell them that.

BARNEY

Don't tell them that.

(WILLY starts to drag off BARNEY)

PEGGY

Thanks.

BARNEY

Any time.

(Dragged off by WILLY)

SCUMMY

Weirdoes.

PEGGY

Let's go then.

SCUMMY

Do we have to? I got you this far. But this is where I turned back before and I plan to again.

PEGGY

Come on, Scummy. Don't you want to be a hero.

SCUMMY

A hero?

PEGGY

If you rescue the pirates, you'll probably get a whole treasure chest of gold.

SCUMMY

(Brightens)

Gold?

PEGGY

I bet they'll make you captain.

SCUMMY

(Excited)

Captain?

(Smiles)

Let's go!

PEGGY

Let's.

(PEGGY and SCUMMY make a motion like they are swimming and OYSTERS appear ahead of them. PEARL is the head OYSTER and is like a game show host. The other OYSTERS are like a studio audience. If extras are not available, someone could hold up signs to the audience and the audience could do the OYSTER lines)

PEARL

Thank you for tuning in to the...

PEARL and OYSTERS

WHEEL! OF! MISFORTUNE!

(Wheel is rolled out)

PEARL

I'm your host Pearl Jam.

(OYSTERS cheer)

And I see we have a couple of new contestants.

(Goes to PEGGY and SCUMMY)

Please tell us your names and a little bit about yourselves.

PEGGY

Hi, I'm Peggy.

OYSTERS

Hi, Peggy.

PEGGY

And I'm looking for some pirates who were kidnapped by a sea monster.

(OYSTERS go aaah!)

PEARL

How exciting!

(To SCUMMY)

And you are?

SCUMMY

None of your business.

(OYSTERS go oooh!)

PEARL

Welcome None of Your Business. Are we ready to play?

OYSTERS

Yes!

PEARL

Then let's spin the wheel.

(OYSTERS cheer)

Today's top prize is direction to the sea monster's lair.

PEGGY

That's what we need.

SCUMMY

But what if we lose? I've heard about the Wheel of Misfortune. All sorts of bad things happen to the losers.

PEARL

Let's tell you about the misfortunes on our wheel, shall we?

(OYSTERS cheer)

VOICE

(Announcer voice over microphone. An OYSTER in a blond wig can point at the follow items on the wheel)

Thank you, Pearl. On the prize wheel, we have being stung by jellyfish...

(OYSTERS go oooh!)

Skewered by swordfish...

(OYSTERS go aaah!)

Tickled by tiger sharks...

(OYSTERS go oooh!)

Or gargled by a great white...

(OYSTERS go aaah!)

PEARL

Thank you.

(OYSTERS cheer)

And thank you.

(To PEGGY)

Let's spin the wheel.

(PEARL or blond OYSTER spin wheel. OYSTERS cheer)

SCUMMY

No, Peggy. We can't play. It's too dangerous.

PEGGY

I don't think we have a choice.

SCUMMY

We're doomed.

PEARL

And the stops on...

(Someone can be behind wheel controlling it or the wheel prizes are turned away so audience can't see)

VOICE

A brand new pearl!

(OYSTERS and SCUMMY cheer. One OYSTER comes over a coughs up a pearl. OYSTERS cheer again as SCUMMY looks greedily)

PEARL

Do you want this prize or do you want to spin again?

PEGGY

We really need the directions to the sea monster's lair.

SCUMMY

What?! Look at the size of that pearl. Are you crazy?

PEGGY

Spin again.

SCUMMY

No!

PEARL

Spin the wheel!

(OYSTERS say oooh. Wheel stops on Sea Monster)

VOICE

Dinner with the Sea Monster!

(OYSTERS cheer)

PEGGY

We did it.

SCUMMY

I don't believe it.

PEARL

Personally, I would have taken the Pearl.

(Hands PEGGY a map)

PEGGY

I have to rescue the other pirates.

PEARL

I still would have gone for the pearl.

(OYSTERS exit)

SCUMMY

Wait a minute... did you say dinner? Oh, dear.

PEGGY

On to the sea monster's lair!

(Lights fade to black)

SCENE 3

(Lights come up on an island where the sea monster lives. PEGGY and SCUMMY enter. SCUMMY is terrified)

PEGGY

This must be the sea monsters lair.

SCUMMY

I don't think this is a good idea, Peggy.

PEGGY

Yes, you said that about a hundred times on the way over. But someone has to save these pirates.

SCUMMY

And what makes you think we can do it?

PEGGY

Because I can do anything I put my mind to.

(Roaring sound off stage. SEA MONSTER uses microphone for big sound)

SCUMMY

What's that?

PEGGY

I don't know.

(Roaring sound again)

SCUMMY

There is was again.

(Roaring)

Let's get out of here.

PEGGY

But I don't see anything.

SCUMMY

(A huge shadow appears behind them. Shadow is cast using a cut out behind a light or by the SEA MONSTER standing being a spotlight. SCUMMY sees it)

Ahh! Run!

(SCUMMY runs)

PEGGY

Scummy! Get back here.

(PEGGY stands ready and faces the shadow)

I guess it's up to me.

(Bravely calls out)

Show yourself sea monster. I'm ready for you!

SEA MONSTER

(Roars. Off)

You better run little pirate before I eat you.

PEGGY

No, you better run before I eat you.

SEA MONSTER

(Off)

What? You can't eat me.

PEGGY

I can eat anything I want.

SEA MONSTER

(Enters. SEA MONSTER is not much bigger than PEGGY. SEA MONSTER can be in a costume with one or two actors inside. If two actors are in costume, one is the head and the other works the hind end and tail)

Why aren't you scared?

PEGGY

Hey! You're just a little guy.

SEA MONSTER

Usually the shadow scares most of them away.

PEGGY

How did you do that?

SEA MONSTER

Ancient sea monster secret.

PEGGY

Come on, you can tell me.

SEA MONSTER
You're a pirate. I can't tell you.

PEGGY

(Proud)

Hey, no body has ever called me a pirate before.

SEA MONSTER

That wasn't a compliment.

PEGGY

So what's the deal? How can a little monster like you defeat all those pirates?

SEA MONSTER

Oh, that isn't me. That's my mama. She's the one who destroys all those ships.

PEGGY

And she captured all those pirates?

SEA MONSTER

Yes.

PEGGY

Then I need to talk to her.

SEA MONSTER

You can't do that.

PEGGY

Why not?

SEA MONSTER

She won't talk to you. She'll just capture you and torture you like the others.

PEGGY

Torture?! That's terrible.

SEA MONSTER

They are getting what they deserve.

PEGGY

I won't hear of it. Take me to them or else.

SEA MONSTER

Or else what?

PEGGY

I... I....

SEA MONSTER

You... you... what?

PEGGY
I won't tell you my secret.

SEA MONSTER

Secret? What secret?

PEGGY

(To audience)

Sea monsters can't resist a good secret.

(To SEA MONSTER)

I'll tell you if you take me to your mama.

SEA MONSTER

Give me a hint...

PEGGY

Nope. Not until I see you're mama.

SEA MONSTER

Not one little hint?

PEGGY

Sorry.

SEA MONSTER

Fine. I'll take you to Mama. She'll just capture though. She won't tell you anything. Follow me.

SCUMMY

(Sneaks up on them and stabs SEA MONSTER in the foot with a stick)

Ha! I got you.

SEA MONSTER

Ow!

(Hops around in pain)

PEGGY

Scummy! What have you done?

SCUMMY

I've defeated the sea monster!

PEGGY

But if you hurt the sea monster, we won't know where the pirates were taken.

SCUMMY

Oh.

SEA MONSTER

Who poked me? That hurts!

SCUMMY

(Points to PEGGY)

She did it.

(SCUMMY runs)

SEA MONSTER

Come back here. I know a little liar when I see one.

(Takes a step and howls in pain)

PEGGY

Here, let me help you.

SEA MONSTER

Why would you want to do that?

PEGGY

Well... I do want you to show me where the pirates are... but...

SEA MONSTER

But what?

PEGGY

I kind of like you too.

SEA MONSTER

You do?

PEGGY

I know pirates aren't supposed to like sea monsters, but I do kind of like you.

SEA MONSTER

And why is that?

PEGGY

Because you're little and you're so big all at the same time. I wish I could be as brave and strong as you.

SEA MONSTER

I don't feel so brave and strong with this stick in my foot.

(Howls in pain)

PEGGY

Here, let me help with that.

SEA MONSTER

(Moves away)

No.

PEGGY

Come on.

SEA MONSTER

No, it's gonna hurt.

PEGGY

Don't be a baby. Let me get it.

SEA MONSTER

Fine, but I can't look.

PEGGY

On the count of three I'll pull it out. Ready?

SEA MONSTER

Ready.

PEGGY

One, two...

(Pulls out stick)

SEA MONSTER

...where's three.

(Looks)

PEGGY

Stick's out. See, it wasn't that bad was it.

SEA MONSTER

(Looks at stick then howls)

Ow!

PEGGY

What? What?

SEA MONSTER

Now it hurts. Delayed reaction.

PEGGY

Don't be silly. It's all in your head.

SEA MONSTER

You think so?

PEGGY

I know so.

SEA MONSTER

I guess it's not that bad.

PEGGY

Good. Now take me to your mama.

SEA MONSTER

Uh, Peggy.

(Huge shadow looms up behind PEGGY. MAMA MONSTER can remain a shadow unless a production budget allows for a large monster head to appear on stage but this is unnecessary. A shadow cast by a cutout in a light will work with the voice of MAMA MONSTER on microphone)

PEGGY

Yes?

SEA MONSTER

She's here.

MAMA MONSTER

Hello, baby. Did you capture another pirate?

SEA MONSTER

Well, not really. This is Peggy. She wants to talk to you.

MAMA MONSTER

Talk to me? Why?

PEGGY

I want you to release all those pirates you captured.

MAMA MONSTER

Why?

PEGGY

Because what did they do to you?

MAMA MONSTER

They have made a garbage dump of the sea.

PEGGY

You're mad at them because they litter.

SEA MONSTER

Pirates make a lot of trash.

PEGGY

But you're polluting the sea with broken pirate ships.

MAMA MONSTER

Good point. You're a smart little one.

PEGGY

I guess I make up for size with brains. That must be what that old coot meant. My brains! They must be bigger than any pirates.

SEA MONSTER

That's not saying much. I think my ear wax is smarter than most pirates.

PEGGY

So what did you do with the pirates?

MAMA MONSTER

We're making them pick up all the litter they've made.

SEA MONSTER

And that could take a long time. They've littered a lot.

PEGGY

Would you let them go if I could get them to stop littering?

SEA MONSTER

You really think you could get them to stop?

MAMA MONSTER

It won't be easy.

PEGGY

But if I could, would you let them go?

MAMA MONSTER

Sure. Why not?

PEGGY

Great. Point me to them. I'll talk to them right now.

SEA MONSTER

They're resting over there. They have a five minute break every five hours.

MAMA MONSTER

Good luck.

SEA MONSTER

You'll need it.

PEGGY

I'm sure once I explain the situation the pirates will be very reasonable.

(Laughs)

Ha! That's a laugh. But I still have to try.

(PEGGY and SEA MONSTER exit)

(PIRATES enter and are sitting around very tired)

BOB

Can you believe how much trash is out there?

SUE

Where did it all come from?

BOB

That sea monster probably made it all.

SUE

And now we have to clean up after it.

BOB

Do I look like a garbage man?

SUE

Well...

BOB

You looking for a fight, mate?

SUE

Relax. Save your energy for the trash.

PEGGY

(Goes to them)

Hey, pirates!

BOB

Well, if it ain't Peggy the pipsqueak.

SUE

You get captured too?

PEGGY

No, I'm here to rescue you.

(PIRATES laugh)

BOB

You? Rescue us?

PEGGY

It's true. I've got the Sea Monster to agree to let you go.

SUE

And how did you do that? Did you scare her with your huge size?

BOB

Did you arm wrestle her with your big muscles?

SUE

Did you chase her around on your long legs?

(PIRATES are all laughing)

PEGGY

No, I only had to talk to the Sea Monster.

BOB

Talk to it?

SUE

Why would you talk to it?

PEGGY

The sea monster is quite intelligent actually.

BOB

A beast? Intelligent?

SUE

No way is it as smart as any of us.

(PEGGY gives a look at the audience but resists saying anything)

PEGGY

I got the sea monster to agree to let you go.

BOB

No way.

SUE

Really? Let's go then.

PEGGY

But you have to stop littering.

BOB

But we ain't littering.

(Throw down a wrapper in anger)

PEGGY

Look. You just littered.

BOB

(Tosses another wrapper down angrily)

I did not!

PEGGY

You did it again.

BOB

This is crazy.

(Tosses another wrapper and wanders off)

PEGGY

Do you really want to be stuck here forever picking up trash?

SUE

Not really.

PEGGY

Then make a promise and you can go.

SUE

Just a promise, huh?

BOB

(Comes back)

That's it? One little promise.

PEGGY

Yes.

BOB

Sure, why not then.

(Winks at SUE)

SUE

What do we do?

PEGGY

Raise your right hands and say, "I promise not to litter."

BOB

Okay, pirates. Swear.

(PIRATES start saying things like "Aw, whale guts. Kill me a krill. Shoot me a shark. Scurvy dogs. Rats. And other silly swear words)

No, no. The oath.

(They raise their rights hands and cross their fingers on their left so PEGGY can't see)

PIRATES

We promise not to litter.

PEGGY

Good. I'll talk to the sea monster.

SUE

Sure thing, Peggy. This way you scurvy dogs.

(PIRATES exit and SEA MONSTER appears along with giant shadow of MAMA MONSTER)

PEGGY

I promise that they will never litter again if you let them go.

MAMA MONSTER

Can I trust you? You're a pirate.

SEA MONSTER

She's not like other pirates, Mama. She helped me when I was hurt. She is also my friend.

PEGGY

Really?

SEA MONSTER

Really, really.

MAMA MONSTER

Pirates!

(PIRATES rush out and crowd together shaking in fear)

I'll let them go, but I don't want to see any more litter.

(PIRATES shake head no but have fingers crossed)

Good-bye Peggy Pirate. I wish all pirates were like you.

(Shadows fades)

SEA MONSTER

Good-bye, Peggy.

PEGGY

Will I see you again?

SEA MONSTER

You bet.

(SCUMMY slinks in cautiously. CAPTAIN SLUDGE and CAPTAIN SOGGY follow. CAPTAINS happily greet PIRATES)

Just don't bring that thing with you.

(SEA MONSTER exits)

SCUMMY

(Sees PIRATES)

What happened?

PEGGY

They set the pirates free.

SCUMMY

You saved them.

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

I never thought such a little pirate could do such a big thing.

CAPTAIN SOGGY

How would you like to be my first mate?

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

Three cheers for Peggy.

PIRATES

Hip-hip-hurray! Hip-hip-hurray! Hip-hip-hurray!

PEGGY

Thank you all of you. But this means no more litter.

(PIRATES nods in agreement)

CAPTAIN SLUDGE

Let's go, you scurvy dogs.

(PEGGY watches PIRATES go with CAPTAINS. CAPTAIN SOGGY tosses some litter in front of her. PEGGY's jaw drop when she sees the spot where they were standing. It's full of litter)

PEGGY

I see my work is cut out for me.

MAMA MONSTER

(Shadow appears)

Is that litter I see?

(Big roar)

Pirates!

(PIRATES yell and run across stage and off. Another big roar. Pirates run back across stage again)

PEGGY

Here we go again.

END OF PLAY