PITY THE FOOL
by D. M. Larson
Pity the Fool by D. M. Larson from freedrama.net (cast: 2m 2w)
A man, JEORGE, hangs on the wall as a part of a modern art
piece. People walk through the gallery and look at the odd pieces of
modern art. A couple of women, SAGE and MARY stop at the man.
It's called "Pity the Fool."
It's amazing. The man looks so lifelike.
It's like he could walk right out of the painting and talk to
Suddenly Jeorge's eyes pop open and the women are startled.
Do you have any water?
His eyes close again. Sage and Mary look at each other
and then the painting again.
You heard that right?
I'll get some water.
Sage leaves. Mary wants to follow and doesn't want to
be left alone.
Mary reluctantly stops. She looks around but is
alone. She cautiously returns.
What? Uh... who? I mean...
Why am I here?
Sure... let's ask that question.
This is my self portrait.
Pity the fool?
Well... it's working. I feel sorry for you.
Mary looks around nervously hoping Sage will return.
Jeorge climbs down off the background and sits at the edge of the art looking
very hurt and sad. Sage returns with some bottled water.
Found some water.
Jeorge takes it from her and gives a weak smile.
Jeorge drinks and lets the water refresh him. Mary and
Sage look at each other and then at Jeorge nervously.
So uh... this is a self-portrait.
You're the artist?
I have to say I've never seen anything like this.
It's a variation on the living statue idea.
So not original?
They are all quiet a moment.
Well, I've never seen anything like it.
Then you haven't been out much.
What? Look, we're trying to be nice.
Because you pity me.
That's what you want isn't it?
How do you know what I want?!
Sage and Mary start to back away. Jeorge curls up at the
bottom of his art.
Look. I think you're a little too much of a method
Jeorge is starting to cry.
Is he crying?
Let's get out of here before he totally flips out.
But he's so sad.
It's some twisted performance art I think.
You have to admit. It's pretty original.
Just because it is different, doesn't mean it's good.
Jeorge looks up sadly at Sage.
You... you don't think it's good?
Sage tries to go but Mary doesn't leave.
I think it's one of the most interesting things I've ever
You're just saying that to be nice. You don't really
feel that way.
I do. Really. Art is always so bland and two
dimensional. Your work is so... alive... literally.
Jeorge gives Sage a pouty look.
She hates it though.
Sage gives him a dirty look and Jeorge gets sad and collapses
in to his art.
Say something nice to him.
Sage reluctantly goes up to Jeorge. Mary pushes her
closer and Sage slaps her hand away. Sage is next to him.
Okay, I have to admit. This is the most unusual...
(Mary pokes her) ...different... most creative piece of art here tonight.
Jeorge says weakly:
Sage turns to Mary and pulls her away.
Can we go now?
You go. I'll catch up in a minute.
Sage leaves. Mary goes up to Jeorge and kneels down
next to him.
What happened to you that inspired this?
Jeorge sits up slowly and looks up at his background.
It's a long story. Everything you see here represents
something that's happen in my life that has brought me to this point.
The images are stunning. I've never seen a work of art
with so much story to it. I could probably sit here for hours trying to
figure it all out.
I have to go... how long will you be... on display?
This is the last night. I'll hopefully be showing this
in other galleries though.
Mary gives him a business card.
I would like to see you... and your work again. Here's my
number. Call me when you're showing this again.
I better go. Great work on this. It's very moving.
Jeorge gives a weak smile and waves good-bye as Mary
leaves. He climbs back up in to his original position. Frank enters
and goes up to Jeorge.
You got another number didn't you?
There has to be an easier way to pick up women.
What can I say. I'm a fool.
Ain't that the truth.
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"GUARDIANS OF THE WALLET" by D. M. Larson
An ambulance is coming for you now. And the policy will cover that ride so you're in luck.
(Ralph waves good-bye and watches person go)
He's lucky. Most people wait until it's too late. Last minute is always better than never. Sometimes I think I should set up my office in the lobby of the hospital emergency room. I could probably sign up half the room as they are waiting... what else are they going to do while they wait for help? Come on. What's the number one thing on their minds? They worry about how they'll pay for the hospital. That's where I come in. I kind of see myself as a hero... swooping in to save the day... can't pay your medical bill? Let me do it for you. I know no one sees an insurance salesman as a hero but we really are. You know how much that heart attack would have cost him without me? You know how much a car accident would cost without insurance? We're not the bad guys... we're your knight in shining armor, protecting you from going bankrupt. We are the guardians of the wallet. Don't let them suck you dry. Insurance will protect you... save you... rescue you... and that's what I wanted to always do with my life. Be a hero.
END OF MONOLOGUE
**** “The Cynical Professor” a monologue by D. M. Larson
Okay class. I know you hate classes that are required for your degree so I am going to try and make this as painless as possible.
Because you're taking a lot of loans, using a lot of credit and building up some serious debt to be here, I don't want this class to be any more difficult than it needs to be. I mean you are going to be paying off these loans for the next 20 or 30 years. It's like you're taking out a mortgage and buying a house. And who can afford a house mortgage anymore when you have all these loans, credit and debts piling up just so you can get a degree in Egyptology or Greek mythology?
That brings me to lesson number one in your Freshman Orientation class. You want to make all your loans worthwhile? You want to be able to pay off your credit card debt when you graduate? Then become a lawyer.
Come on... What's with the moans and growns? Being an attorney can be great. Are you a tree hugger and love the Earth? Be an environmental lawyer. Are you into women's rights? There's a attorney for that. Want to help people who are defaulting on their mortgage and losing their homes or being crushed by credit card debt? There are lawyers for that too. Lawyers make a difference. Lawyers change things. Call an attorney if you want to get things done.
Law not for you? You could play the stock market and do some day trading. Or you could be a software designer. Maybe be an engineer and figure out new ways to get us the limitless electricity that we demand or come up with alternate fuels so we no longer need gas in our cars. You can still help the world without picking a degree that will drown you in debt that you can never pay back.
If you want to study a dead language or some mythological beast, go hang out in the library or watch the History Channel, but don't run up thousands of dollars in loans to study something that won't pay the bills. A Egyptologist is not going to change the world, but an attorney just might have the power to right some wrong.
Gandhi was a lawyer. So was Abraham Lincoln. And Nelson Mandela. These are great people that left their mark on history and transformed nations. I'm not telling you to transfer out of your history classes. History has wonderful lessons for us. I'm telling you not to major in it. Learn from history but then USE what you learned. Go out there and change things. And who better to change things than someone who understands how the system works than a lawyer.
Those of you that agree with me will go declare their majors - pre-law, engineering or economics. Those of you that don't, head on over to the library and write me a 10,000 word report on why your major is so awesome and a plan how you are going to pay off all that debt.
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