You must ask for permission before using this script in a performance by contacting doug@freedrama.net (please include the title of this monologue in your request).

The play is free... if... and only if... your performance of the script is at no cost (i.e. classroom, workshop, audition or competition).

This script is copyrighted material. You are not allowed to repost the script online for any reason (even educational).

If you charge admission, there is a royalty fee. Please go to www.freedrama.net/royalty.html for more information.


HOLKA POLKA!

 

A Fairy Tale Mystery

 

By

 

D. M. Larson

 

 

Copyright (c) 2005

All Rights Reserved*

*


 

 

Cast of Characters

(6+ female, 2+ male, 11+ either and optional extras)

 

BRENDA: A young good witch who is given the quest to save fairytale land.

WOLF: A misunderstood wolf who helps out BRENDA on her quest.

CINDY: A princess who has been tricked into thinking she is ugly.

HUMPTY: Humphrey Dumpty who pretends to be a mild mannered servant who is in reality a someone in disguise.

SPLENDA: The good witch of the South and BRENDA's mother.

EZI: CINDY's evil sister.

DEZI: CINDY's other evil sister.

FGM: The Fairy Godmother who has an evil plan.

PINOCCHIO: A servant of the PRINCE who is wooden boy with a nose that hurts.

PRINCE: He is a handsome guy who has been put under a sleep spell by someone.

SNORZ: An Itallian wizard with the power to make someone sleep and is really the Fairy Godfather in disguise.

HILDA: The head witch who wants to save the magic in fairytale land.

GANDOLT: A wise wizard who wants to help save magic.

ZORKA: A wise-cracking witch.

SWEET: A witch who is the sister of the witch who had a run in with Hansel and Gretel.

INKANTADORA: A witch who sees the bad side to everything.

ZOOM: A witch who can't stop talking and gets turned into a toad.

 

GNOMES and GUARDS (these can be played by two or more actors and can be the same or different actors for each)

 

Additional WITCHES may also be added to the opening scene. If more speaking roles are desired the parts of ZORKA and INKANTADORA can't be split up into more WITCHES.

 

Time and Place

Once upon a time in Fairytale Land.


 



 

Scene 1

 

(Witches gathered at meeting. Witches and wizards in background can resemble famous ones from movies, books and TV. Witches are all talking and cackling loudly)

 

HILDA

Hey, you witches. Quiet down.

                        (All WITCHES continue to talk)

Everyone quiet before I turn you all into toads!

 

(Talking dies down except for one witch ZOOM who keeps talking about her new broom. HILDA goes over to her and gives her the evil eye)

 

ZOOM

And this new broom I got has the coolest features. It can go 0 to 60 in a scream and...

                        (She stops and turns to see HILDA)

Sorry!

                        (HILDA pulls out her wand and ZOOM runs)

No!

 

(ZOOM is off stage and HILDA waves her wand and there is a boom and the lights go up and down. After a moment:)

 

ZOOM (off)

Ribbit!

 

HILDA

All right, you witches. We've got ourselves a serious PR problem here.

 

ZORKA

What do you mean?

 

HILDA

Witches have got a seriously bad name here in Fairy Tale land and it's only getting worse since the Hansel and Gretel incident. I mean, come on people. Eating children. That's just low.

 

SWEET

But they were eating my sister's house, Eating it! Can you believe it? I've heard of eating someone out of house and home but that's ridiculous.

 

HILDA

That's what she gets for making her house out of candy.

 

SWEET

But candy is the construction material of tomorrow. I'd bet my wand on it.

 

GRANDOLT

So you witches have a problem then. Why do we wizards need to be here?

 

HILDA

Because they're thinking of getting rid of all magic.

 

INKANTADORA

What? They can't do that.

 

HILDA

They can and they will unless we turn things around and prove we can handle having magic.

 

GRANDOLT

Wait a minute. Who is saying they will take our magic?

 

HILDA

The fairies.

 

                        (All witches and wizards respond in knowing disgust)

 

ZORKA

The fairies. It figures.

 

INKANTADORA

Can they really take our magic?

 

HILDA

They gave it to fairytale land in the first place. And now they want it all back because they think we can't handle it.

 

SWEET

That's so like them. All kind and giving and they make everyone all happy and then they snatch is away.

 

GRANDOLT

So what do we do to keep our magic?

 

ZORKA

Dress like fairies?

 

                        (ZORKA flitters around and witches cackle)

 

HILDA

This is no time for jokes. We have a crisis here. I mean, what's a witch without her magic?

 

SWEET

A really bad cook?

 

HILDA

We're nothing, I tell you. We'll be just a bunch of old ladies!

                        (GANDOLT clears his throat)

And men with bad hair and skin.

 

SWEET

I always thought I was pretty enough to be a fairy.

 

ZORKA

Somebody's magic mirror has been lying to them.

 

                        (SWEET gives ZORKA a dirty look)

 

GANDOLT

So what do we do, Hilda? How do we save our magic?

 

HILDA

We have to do a major PR thing. Good deeds and stuff.

 

ZORKA

Good deeds.

 

INKANTADORA

We can't do that. It's so... not us.

 

HILDA

Then say "poof" to your magic and learn to use chopsticks because that's all our wands will be good for.

 

GANDOLT

Fine, fine. Tell us what we need to do, Hilda.

 

HILDA

We need to do a good deed. Not just any good deed, but a whopper of a good one.

 

ZORKA

I could let that one girl out of that tower?

 

SWEET

And I could let those kids out of my cookie jar?

 

HILDA

No, bigger. We're going to save the Prince.

 

ZORKA

THE Prince?

 

INKANTADORA

Oh, dear. The fairies won't like that.

 

HILDA

But think of the PR. Witches saving the Prince. And before some bubble headed princess manages to do it.

 

GANDOLT

So what's wrong with the Prince?

 

HILDA

He's been put under a sleeping spell.

 

(ZORKA pokes SNORZ who wakes up. SNORZ is an old Italian godfather type wizard)

 

SNORZ

What? I didn't do it.

 

HILDA

No, none of us did it. It may have been a fairy.

 

ZORKA

A fairy turned bad, on the next Jerry Springer.

 

SNORZ

So you want me to wake him up?

 

HILDA

No, we need to do a whole makeover. We need to send the nicest, cutest witch we can find.

 

SWEET

Well, if you insist.

 

INKANTADORA

Oh, please.

 

ZORKA

She's cute in the dark.

 

SWEET

Why thank... hey!

 

GANDOLT

So whom do you have in mind?

 

HILDA

Well, I developed this little device...

 

(HILDA pulls out a long stick with a large meter on it that has from "sweet" to "sour" printed on it)

 

ZORKA

Sweet to Sour?

 

HILDA

As you can see, I'm on the sour side.

                        (Takes it over to SWEET)

But when you hold it up to someone like this.

 

INKANTADORA

Still sour.

 

SWEET

No, that can't be. It must be broken.

 

HILDA

Well, it usually works.

 

GANDOLT

So have you tried this out?

 

HILDA

I have.

 

ZORKA

And?

 

HILDA

The sweetest witch is...

 

INKANTADORA

Oh, no. She's doing a dramatic pause. This can't be good.

 

GANDOLT

Out with it, Hilda.

 

HILDA

Well, I went to the Good Witch of the South's house...

 

INKANTADORA

Not Splenda.

 

ZORKA

I should have known she'd be the sweetest.

 

HILDA

Actually no.

 

GANDOLT

Who can possibly be sweeter than her?

 

HILDA

Her daughter, Brenda.

 

ZORKA

Brenda. What kind of name is that? Not very witchy.

 

SWEET

It's so... common.

 

HILDA

I know, I know. But she registered 99.9% on the sweet meter. I've asked her mother to bring her here.

 

ZORKA

I thought we were done with the "good" witches. How can you be a good witch anyway?

 

SWEET

I'm a good witch.

 

ZORKA

Until you get hungry.

 

SWEET

I don't cook children... much.

 

HILDA

So if there are no objections!

                        (All witches and wizards complain loudly "I object")

Well, then if there aren't too many objections?

 

GANDOLT

Go ahead and bring her in.

 

HILDA

Splenda? We're ready for you now.

 

(There is sparkling light and happy music as SPLENDA enters. SPLENDA smiles happily and speaks with almost a coo)

 

SPLENDA

Hello, everyone. It's lovely to see you all.

 

                        (ZORKA makes a gagging motion like SPLENDA makes her ill)

 

HILDA

So Splenda. Will you give us your first-born child?

 

SPLENDA

What?

 

                        (HILDA pulls out a book)

 

HILDA

Ooops. Sorry, wrong story.

                        (Pulls out a different book)

Oh, yes, here it is. Is your daughter Brenda willing to go on a quest for us?

 

SPLENDA

She has consented to help.

 

HILDA

Excellent. So send her in?

 

SPLENDA

Not yet. I wish set a few rules first.

 

ZORKA

Now she's sounding like a witch.

 

SPLENDA

You must promise to keep Brenda safe from harm.

 

HILDA

Done.

 

SPLENDA

Splendid.

 

HILDA

That all?

 

SPLENDA

And not force her to do anything bad.

 

HILDA

Fine.

SPLENDA

Splendid.

 

HILDA

Anything else?

 

SPLENDA

And if she drops below 99.8 on the sweet and sour meter, she's coming home.

 

HILDA

How about 99.1?

 

SPLENDA

99.7

 

HILDA

99.5 and that's my final offer.

 

SPLENDA

Splendid.

 

ZORKA

So this means we can make her .4% bad?

 

HILDA

Quiet you.

 

SPLENDA

Brenda. You may appear now.

 

                        (BRENDA walks in)

 

GANDOLT

That wasn't very dramatic. Have her go back and try again.

 

SPLENDA

She come in the most splendid way possible. Without drawing attention to herself.

 

ZORKA

What fun is that?

 

HILDA

So does she have any powers?

 

SPLENDA

She might.

 

HILDA

Might?

 

BRENDA

I don't get to practice much.

 

HILDA

You mean you haven't trained her? You haven't sent her to school?

 

SPLENDA

In this day and age of magic being at an end, I don't see the point.

 

GANDOLT

A witch without powers? This won't do at all.

 

BRENDA

I have powers. I just don't like to show off.

 

HILDA

I'd feel better if we had a little demo.

 

BRENDA

Well, I'm not used to doing magic in front of so many people.

 

ZORKA

Shall we all leave the room?

 

SWEET

Close our eyes?

 

                        (Witches and wizards cackle)

 

SPLENDA

Never mind, Brenda. Let's go. This was a bad idea.

 

HILDA

No, wait. We'll take her as is. We just need someone nice. Not magical.

 

GANDOLT

Not magical? Then how can she save the Prince?

 

                        (BRENDA is concerned)

 

BRENDA

What happened to the Prince?

 

SNORZ

Sleeping spell. And no, I didn't do it.

 

GANDOLT

And how can she break the spell without magic?

 

BRENDA

I have a little magic.

 

SNORZ

Not powerful enough to break a sleeping spell!

 

SPLENDA

You don't need magic. You just need a keen mind to ferret out the culprit.

 

ZORKA

Huh?

 

BRENDA

You mean like a detective? I'm a good detective.

 

SPLENDA

Once you find the person who cast the spell, then you get her to break it.

 

INKANTADORA

And how do you do that?

 

BRENDA

Well, if we know who cast the spell, they'll be in danger of being turned in. But if you can get them to break the spell without anyone finding out... then she won't get in trouble and everything will be okay.

 

SPLENDA

Splendid. Very smart.

 

HILDA

And a little sneaky. She'll do.

 

SPLENDA

That's the .1%. She gets it from her father.

 

SWEET

That's what she thinks.

 

SPLENDA

What was that, dear?

 

SWEET

Oh, you're so artificial.

 

HILDA

So Brenda? Are you ready?

 

BRENDA

Let me get this straight. I either need to find out who put the Prince to sleep or find my own way of waking up the Prince.

 

GANDOLT

Both is even better.

 

                        (GANDOLT pats her on the head and exits)

 

ZORKA

Good luck, kid. Make us proud.

 

                        (ZORKA pats her hard on the back and exits)

 

SWEET

She doesn't look so sweet to me.

 

                        (SWEET gives BRENDA a dirty look and exits)

 

INKANTADORA

Don't get thrown in a hot spoiling pot...

                        (Starts to go but stops)

Or chopped up by some woodsman...

                        (Starts to go but stops)

Or get water thrown on you...

 

                        (HILDA chases INKANTADORA)

 

HILDA

Just go, will you? All of you.

 

(Other witches and wizards exit except for HILDA, SPLENDA and BRENDA)

 

SPLENDA

Have a splendid time, dear.

 

BRENDA

Okay.

 

SPLENDA

And if you need anything, just tap your magenta mukluks together like so.

 

                        (SPLENDA demonstrates)

 

HILDA

Magenta mukluks?

 

BRENDA

Thanks, mother. Bye.

 

                        (SPLENDA glides out)

 

HILDA

Thanks again, kid. Stay sweet.

 

BRENDA

I'll try.

 

HILDA

                        (Sighs and mumbles to herself as she leaves)

"Stay sweet." Can't believe I just said that.

 

                        (HILDA exits)

 

BRENDA

Wait, which way do I go?

                        (But she's alone. She sighs and sits)

Now what?

 

                        (SNORZ sneaks in looking nervous)

 

SNORZ

Hey, kid. I've got something for you.

 

BRENDA

What?

 

SNORZ

I've got a potion that will break any sleeping spell.

 

BRENDA

Great.

 

                        (SNORZ holds it out. BRENDA reaches but then he snatches it away)

 

SNORZ

Prepared to make a deal?

 

BRENDA

Can't witches do anything without getting anything out of it?

 

SNORZ

No.

 

BRENDA

Didn't think so.

 

SNORZ

You've got to promise me you'll get a piece of the Prince's hair.

 

BRENDA

His hair?

 

SNORZ

Or no potion.

 

BRENDA

Well, that seems harmless enough.

 

SNORZ

Promise and the potion is yours.

 

BRENDA

I promise.

 

(A dinging sound is hear. BRENDA looks around for it as SNORZ hands her the potion)

 

SNORZ

Very good. Thank you, my dear.

 

                        (SNORZ exits)

 

BRENDA

What was that strange dinging noise?

 

                        (HILDA enters with her sweet and sour meter)

 

HILDA

I'm afraid you lost .1% on that deal.

 

BRENDA

I did. But I didn't mean anything by it.

 

HILDA

But you promised to steal.

 

BRENDA

I did?

                        (Sighs and frowns)

Oh, right. I did. Darn you tricky wizards.

                        (Stomps her foot angrily. Another DING)

 

HILDA

Ouch, lost .05% on that one.

 

BRENDA

I'm sorry.

 

HILDA

Just be careful.

                        (Starts to go)

 

BRENDA

Wait. How do I get to the Prince's castle?

 

HILDA

You can fly, teleport.

 

BRENDA

Actually, I'd prefer to walk.

 

HILDA

Walk?

 

BRENDA

Well, broom power is creating all kinds of pollution in the skies!

 

HILDA

We wouldn't have the colorful sunsets without pollution, my dear.

 

BRENDA

And teleporting could scare someone. I wouldn't want to appear in people's gardens and scare them.

 

HILDA

No, I suppose you wouldn't.

 

BRENDA

So if you could point the way by foot.

 

HILDA

Fine, just follow the brown brick road.

 

BRENDA

Follow the brown brick road?

 

                        (A bunch of little GNOMES do a can-can as the enter singing)

 

GNOMES

"Follow the brown brick road. Follow the brown brick road. Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the brown brick road."

 

HILDA

Oh, quiet you crazy Gnomes. Get out of here.

 

                        (HILDA throws one of her shoes at them and they scramble off stage)

 

BRENDA

But they were so cute.

 

GNOMES (off)

Thanks!

 

HILDA

Watch out for them. They're pests.

 

                        (GNOMES rush in)

 

GNOMES

We know you are but what are we.

 

HILDA

Excuse my while I go turn some gnomes to stone and stick them in somebody's yard.

 

GNOMES

Eeek!

 

                        (GNOMES run off as HILDA chases them)

 

BRENDA

Poor little guys. They don't look like pests at all. Okay, now she told me the way. So I just need to...

 

                        (GNOMES rush in)

 

GNOMES

"Follow the brown brick road. Follow the brown brick road. Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the brown brick road."

 

(HILDA rushes in and GNOMES run off with her exiting behind. BRENDA starts skipping along)

 

BRENDA

Follow the brown brick road. Follow the brown brick road.

 

GNOMES (off)

"Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the brown brick road."

 

HILDA (off)

Stop that!

 

(BRENDA skips along humming and then a WOLF appears. WOLF is dabbing his mouth with a small red cloak)

 

BRENDA

Oh, hello, there.


                        (WOLF hides red cloak behind his back)

 

WOLF

Oh!

 

BRENDA

Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.

 

WOLF

Little girls do that to me.

 

BRENDA

Little girls scare you?

 

WOLF

All the time.

 

BRENDA

Why is that?

 

WOLF

It's all that screaming. Little girls scream too much.

 

BRENDA

I won't.

 

WOLF

You sure? I am scary.

                        (Makes scary arm motion)

Grrr.

 

BRENDA

That wasn't too scary.

 

WOLF

The last little girl thought so. Scared her so bad she dropped this.

 

                        (Holds out red cloak)

 

BRENDA

Poor thing. I bet she will get cold without it.

 

WOLF

I didn't think of that. But she ran so fast I doubt we'll catch her.

 

BRENDA

Maybe this is the time to try a little magic.

 

WOLF

Magic? You a fairy?

 

BRENDA

I'm a witch actually.

 

WOLF

A witch? But you're not ugly.

 

BRENDA

Not all witches are ugly. That's a common misconception.

 

WOLF

Miscon-what?

 

BRENDA

Misconception. It means people believe one thing about you but it's not true.

 

WOLF

I know exactly what you mean. People misconwhattionize me all the time. Man, you accidentally knock down some pig's house with a sneeze and that start telling stories about you. And now there's this little girl and her red hood. Who knows what they'll say about this one.

 

BRENDA

Wolves and witches have it tough.

 

WOLF

That they do.

 

BRENDA

But maybe I can do a little damage control. Set down the cloak and stand back.

 

                        (WOLF puts down red cloak and backs away)

 

WOLF

What you going to do?

 

BRENDA

I'm going to do a return to owner spell.

                        (BRENDA does a little dance. Polka music plays)

Holka Polka!

 

                        (Lights flash and zap is heard. Blackout)

 

WOLF

Ah! I'm blind!

 

BRENDA

Either I am too or something happened.

 

WOLF

Maybe you returned the moon. I wonder who the owner was?

 

BRENDA

Let's try this again. Holka Polka!

 

                        (Lights come up and cloak is gone)

 

WOLF

Hey, the cloak is gone.

 

BRENDA

And hopefully back with its owner.

 

                        (Crying is heard)

 

WOLF

Oh, no.

 

BRENDA

What?

 

WOLF

Another girl and she doesn't sound happy.

 

BRENDA

Better let me talk to her.

 

                        (CINDY enters crying. She's a princess and looks it)

 

WOLF

I didn't make her cry. I swear.

 

BRENDA

Are you okay?

 

CINDY

Not really.

 

BRENDA

Are you hurt?

 

CINDY

Only on the inside.

 

BRENDA

Why are you crying?

 

CINDY

It's the Prince. He's under a sleeping spell.

 

BRENDA

I know. Isn't it terrible?

 

CINDY

No one knows what to do.

 

                        (BRENDA turns detective. A possible first suspect)

 

BRENDA

So you know the Prince?

 

CINDY

Not really. We've never met although I live in the castle down the street from his.

 

BRENDA

But aren't you a princess? I thought all you princes and princesses all hung out together.

 

CINDY

Normally, yes, but I can't though.

 

BRENDA

Why not?

 

CINDY

Because... I'm ugly.

 

                        (She sobs some more. But CINDY isn't ugly at all so they're confused)

 

BRENDA

You're not ugly.

 

CINDY

Oh, yes I am. You're just being nice.

 

BRENDA

No, really. You're quite beautiful.

 

CINDY

But look at this nose and this hair!

 

BRENDA

Both are perfect.

 

CINDY

Perfectly ugly.

 

WOLF

I know how you feel!

 

CINDY

Ah! Who is that?

 

WOLF

Oh, no. Here comes the screaming.

 

CINDY

It's a wolf!

 

BRENDA

Please, no. He's a nice wolf, really.

 

CINDY

There's no such thing.

 

WOLF

Is so!

 

CINDY

Ah!

 

BRENDA

Please, please. Both of you, calm down.

 

CINDY

But he's...

 

BRENDA

Highly misunderstood.

 

WOLF

And she's...

 

BRENDA

Got self-esteem issues.

 

WOLF

I have self-a-team issues too.

 

CINDY

You do?

 

WOLF

Yes. Everyone is always going around saying "what a big nose you have" and "what big teeth you have." It hurts.

 

CINDY

Oh, poor thing. I'm sorry.

 

WOLF

It's okay. I just want to go away some place where I won't bother anyone.

 

CINDY

You don't bother me.

 

WOLF

I don't?

 

CINDY

No, in fact you remind me of a doggy I had once. You know what he liked?

 

WOLF

What?

 

CINDY

This.

 

                        (CINDY scratches him behind the ear and he starts thumping his leg)

 

WOLF

Oh, that's nice.

 

                        (CINDY stops and smiles)

 

BRENDA

My name's Brenda.

 

CINDY

Nice to meet you. I'm Cindy.

 

WOLF

And I'm the wolf.

 

CINDY

The wolf? You don't have a name?

 

WOLF

Nope. Just "The Wolf."

 

CINDY

How sad. Let's give you a name. How about Fido?

 

WOLF

Uh, no.

 

CINDY

Spot?

 

WOLF

Nope.

 

CINDY

I know. Mr. Fuzzy!

 

WOLF

Okay.

 

BRENDA

You like Mr. Fuzzy?

 

WOLF

No, but I want her to stop with the name calling.

 

BRENDA

So Cindy, do you know why someone would want to put the Prince to sleep?

 

CINDY

He's so handsome and brave. I can't see why anyone would want to do anything to him.

 

WOLF

Brave?

 

                        (WOLF laughs and they look at him)

 

BRENDA

Why are you laughing?

 

WOLF

Well, I think the Prince has some bravery issues.

 

CINDY

He does? I don't believe it.

 

WOLF

He screams louder than any girl.

 

CINDY

He does not.

 

WOLF

He ran into me once. And he has this high-pitched scream... it could break glass.

 

                        (CINDY smacks him with a folded up fan she is carrying)

 

CINDY

Bad, Mr. Fuzzy. Take it back.

 

WOLF

Hey!

 

BRENDA

Please you two. Let's not fight.

 

CINDY

The Prince is perfect in every way. Unlike me!

 

BRENDA

Cindy? Who told you that you're ugly? Because you're really not.

 

CINDY

My sisters.

 

                        (From off stage, a shrill voice is heard)

 

EZI (off)

Cindy!

 

CINDY

Oh, no. It's them.

 

DEZI (off)

Where is she?

 

WOLF

Who are they?

 

CINDY

My sisters.

 

(EZI and DEZI enter. They are princesses too and where exaggerated princess costumes, a sharp contrast to CINDY's tasteful costume)

 

EZI

Where have you been?

 

DEZI

No one told you that you could run off like that.

 

CINDY

I'm sorry.

 

                        (They mock her)

 

EZI and DEZI

"I'm sorry."

 

EZI

That's all she ever says.

 

DEZI

We need a little less sorry and a little more obedience.

 

CINDY

Sorry.

 

WOLF

Don't be sorry. These two need show a little respect.

 

                        (WOLF steps between CINDY and EZI and DEZI)

 

EZI

What is that?

 

DEZI

Looks like a stray dog.

 

CINDY

This is Mr. Fuzzy.

 

EZI

Don't name it.

 

DEZI

Then you'll want to feed it.

 

WOLF

You two look tasty.

 

EZI

What?

 

DEZI

I never!

 

                        (BRENDA steps between them all)

 

BRENDA

Please, everyone. Let's calm down.

                        (Turns to EZI and DEZI)

Hello, princesses. I'm Brenda.

 

EZI

Brenda?

 

DEZI

Never heard of you.

 

BRENDA

I'm the daughter of Splenda. The good witch of the South.

 

EZI

Splenda?

 

DEZI

Witch?

 

CINDY

Oh, Splenda's so beautiful. I wish had her hair.

 

EZI

Ha! Never.

 

DEZI

Not with the head of straw.

 

(WOLF growls and CINDY calms him with a scratch on the ear)

 

BRENDA

So you two know the prince?

 

EZI

Know him? Ha.

 

DEZI

I'm practically engaged to him.

 

EZI

You wish.

 

DEZI

Don't you think you're making moves on my man.

 

BRENDA

Terrible thing about the sleeping spell. Any idea why someone might do it?

 

EZI

Maybe they were worried their sister was trying to take their man.

 

DEZI

But he is my man.

 

EZI

Since when?

 

DEZI

Since he gave me that rose at the ball.

 

EZI

Gave you a rose? He knocked over a vase and spilled it all over your shoes.

 

DEZI

It's the thought that counts.

 

BRENDA

So do either you play with magic? Sleeping spells?

 

EZI

Watch it, witch.

 

DEZI

We know where you're going with this.

 

CINDY

Please, Brenda. My sisters would never do anything to the Prince. They both love him so.

 

EZI

Hush up, Cindy. No one was talking to you.

 

DEZI

Yeah, zip it or we whip it.

 

BRENDA

I hope that's a figure of speech.

 

EZI

We find that a good whipping keeps little girls in line.

 

DEZI

Why? What are you going to do about it?

 

EZI

Yeah, wonder witch. Gonna cast a spell on us?

 

DEZI

Gonna turn us into toads?

 

WOLF

Too late for that.

 

(CINDY giggles a little at the WOLF's joke. EZI and DEZI grab her in anger)

 

EZI

You think that's funny?

 

DEZI

I think she needs a little time out.

 

EZI

In the dungeon!

 

DEZI

In chains!

 

(EZI and DEZI start to drag CINDY out but BRENDA and WOLF block their exit)

 

BRENDA

Let her go.

 

EZI

Stay out of this.

 

DEZI

This is a family problem.

 

BRENDA

But you're hurting her.

 

WOLF

Let her go or answer to Mr. Fuzzy.

 

                        (EZI and DEZI mock them)

 

EZI

Oh, I'm so scared.

 

DEZI

Big Bad Wolf and Wimpy Witch have got us cornered.

 

CINDY

Please, Brenda. Please, Mr. Fuzzy. I'll be okay.

 

EZI

That's what you think.

 

                        (She pulls CINDY's hair)

 

CINDY

Ow!

 

DEZI

Now keep quiet.

 

BRENDA

That's it!

 

                        (BRENDA does her dance and music plays. Pulls out her wand)

 

EZI

Oh, no.

 

DEZI

She wouldn't.

 

BRENDA

Holka polka!

 

                        (Zap sound and lights go black)

 

CINDY

What happened?

 

WOLF

I can't see again.

 

BRENDA

Why does that always happen?

 

                        (Oinking is heard)

 

CINDY

What's that?

 

WOLF

Hmmm. Sounds like bacon, I mean pigs.

 

BRENDA

We need some lights. Holka polka!

 

                        (Lights come back on and there are two stuffed pigs by CINDY)

 

CINDY

Pigs!

 

BRENDA

Ooops.

 

CINDY

You turned my sisters into pigs.

 

BRENDA

I guess I kind of flipped out. Sorry. I'll change them back.

 

WOLF

But haven't had a bite to eat all day.

 

BRENDA

You will not eat the pig princesses.

 

CINDY

I don't mind.

 

BRENDA

No, no. I better change them back before I get in trouble.

 

CINDY

Trouble? Aren't witches supposed to do things like this?

 

BRENDA

I'm not.

                        (DING sounds is heard)

Dang it. Too late.

 

WOLF

So can I eat them?

 

BRENDA

No. I'm changing them back anyway. Holka polka!

                        (Music. Blackout. EZI and DEZI are heard screaming)

 

CINDY

Oh, they're mad. You should have left them as pigs.

 

EZI

What did you do to us?

                        (Snort. EZI and DEZI snort like pigs after each thing they say)

 

DEZI

Yeah, what's going on?

                        (Snort)

 

EZI

I can't see!

                        (Snort)

 

DEZI

Cindy, do something!

                        (Snort)

 

BRENDA

Holka polka!

                        (Lights come on and EZI and DEZI have pig noses)

Oh, no.

 

EZI

Let's get out of here.

                        (Snort)

 

DEZI

Agreed.

                        (Snort)

 

                        (EZI and DEZI rush off stage)

 

BRENDA

I feel terrible now. I better fix their noses.

 

CINDY

Maybe later. I think they'll learn something from this.

 

BRENDA

Oh, it's so hard to be good out here. At home it's easy but now I'm doing bad things all the time.

 

WOLF

Welcome to the real world.

 

BRENDA

I thought this was fairytale land.

 

WOLF

Bad things always happen in fairytale land. Most people blame it on the witches, but I blame the fairies.

 

CINDY

The fairies? Why?

 

WOLF

They're always promising happy endings but where's my happy ending? All that happily ever after seems to be reserved for princesses and cute little animals. Especially bunnies. Why are rabbits always getting happy endings? They're rodents, I tell you. Rodents!

 

CINDY

I never thought about it, but I think you're right.

 

WOLF

I want to see a dragon or a troll or even an ogre have a happy ending.

 

CINDY

There was that one ogre.

 

WOLF

Not any more. Fairy godmother has it out for him now. When his wife had her babies, she gave him three of the cutest triplets you�ve ever seen. And you know what ogres think of cute.

 

CINDY

Poor guy.

 

WOLF

And triplets. They guy never gets any sleep.

 

BRENDA

Speaking of fairy godmother, what is she up to these days, besides making ogres miserable?

 

CINDY

She certainly hasn't been making any princesses happy that I know of.

 

BRENDA

Ever since the fairies have talked about taking away magic, she's been pretty quiet.

 

WOLF

I heard about that. The witches must be pretty upset.

 

BRENDA

That's why I'm here. The witches thought if they could help the Prince then we could win back favor with the people here.

 

WOLF

Good luck.

 

CINDY

I just assumed a witch put the Prince to sleep. They didn't?

 

BRENDA

No, we didn't.

 

WOLF

That's a misconfection.

 

CINDY

A what?

 

WOLF

When someone thinks you're one way, but you're not.

 

CINDY

I know what that's like. Everyone think princesses are pretty and happy and fragile. But I'm not.

 

BRENDA

You are pretty, Cindy. Really?

 

CINDY

See. And you probably think I'm happy too, but I'm not. I'm downright depressed.

 

WOLF

Need a scratch behind the ear?

 

                        (WOLF scratches behind her ear and she thumps her foot)

 

CINDY

Hey, that does help.

 

WOLF

I have to admit, you do look a bit fragile though.

 

CINDY

See... everyone looks at me and sees a delicate flower, when in reality, I'm a deadly fighting machine ready to strike.

 

WOLF

                        (Snickers)

Really?

 

(CINDY does some karate moves and grabs WOLF by the arm and spins him to the floor in a heap)

 

BRENDA

Are you okay?

 

WOLF

Mommy.

 

CINDY

I'm so sorry.

 

WOLF

No, I'm fine.

 

CINDY

You sure?

 

WOLF

Sure, sure. I just need a moment to get the feeling back in my body.

 

CINDY

I don't know my own strength.

 

                        (They help WOLF up)

 

BRENDA

You know anyone else around the kingdom that might have something against the Prince?

 

CINDY

I can't think of anyone.

 

WOLF

I've heard all kinds of things though. Besides the oink twins, there's this servant that has it out for the Prince.

 

CINDY

Really? Who?

 

WOLF

That one with the big nose.

 

CINDY

Oh, that one.

 

BRENDA

Must be quite a nose if you know who he's talking about.

 

CINDY

I feel so bad for him. I know what it's like to have a huge nose�

 

BRENDA

Your nose it tiny.

 

CINDY

It's huge. I've seen it.

 

BRENDA

Wait. What kind of mirror do you have?

 

CINDY

Huh?

 

BRENDA

Is it one with a blue sparkling frame?

 

CINDY

How did you know?

 

BRENDA

Did your sisters give it to you?

 

CINDY

Yes, on my birthday a few years ago.

 

BRENDA

That's a trick mirror, Cindy.

 

CINDY

It is?

 

BRENDA

It makes people look funny. It's gag mirror made by a witch named Zorka.

 

CINDY

Oh, those sisters.

 

WOLF

Want me to eat them?

 

CINDY

Maybe.

 

BRENDA

I thought you didn't eat people.

 

WOLF

Uh... no. Never.

 

BRENDA

Let's have a talk with that servant.

                        (She waves her wand and does her dance)

Holka polka!

                        (Zap sound)

 

WOLF

Hey, the lights didn't go out.

 

BRENDA

I'm improving.

 

CINDY

There he is.

 

                        (PINOCCHIO enters. He has a huge nose)

 

PINOCCHIO

What a nice day for a walk.

 

BRENDA

Actually I made you want to do that.

 

PINOCCHIO

You made me? Like with magic?

 

BRENDA

Yes. I'm a witch.

 

PINOCCHIO

I know magic too.

                        (Grabs his nose)

Ow.

 

CINDY

What's wrong?

 

PINOCCHIO

Uh, nothing.

                        (Grabs his nose again)

Ow.

 

WOLF

Your nose hurt?

 

PINOCCHIO

A little.

 

BRENDA

What can you tell me about the Prince?

 

PINOCCHIO

The Prince? Mr. Sleepy?

                        (Laughs)

 

BRENDA

Do you know how might have put him to sleep?

 

PINOCCHIO

Nope.

                        (Grabs his nose)

Ow.

 

CINDY

You sure you're okay?

 

BRENDA

So you don't know how the sleeping spell happened?

 

PINOCCHIO

Nope.

                        (Grabs his nose)

Ow.

 

BRENDA

You know something don't you?

 

PINOCCHIO

I promised not to tell.

 

BRENDA

Tell what? You know who did it?

 

PINOCCHIO

No.

                        (Grabs nose)

Ow. Oh, man. I'm going to get a nosebleed again.

 

BRENDA

Please, tell me what you know. We can help.

 

PINOCCHIO

Help? You want to help that stuck up? Oh, he makes me so mad. "I'm so handsome. Everyone love me for it." I'm way better looking than he is.

                        (Grabs nose)

Ow.

 

WOLF

Tell you what you know or...

 

PINOCCHIO

Or what?

 

WOLF

Or I'll eat you.

 

                        (WOLF jumps on him and bites his arm)

 

PINOCCHIO

Get off!

 

WOLF

Hey! You taste like wood.

 

PINOCCHIO

That's because I'm made out of wood.

 

WOLF

Really bad tasting wood.

 

BRENDA

You're a wooden boy?

 

PINOCCHIO

No, I'm ginger bread man.

                        (Grabs nose)

Ow!

                        (Yells at an invisible someone)

That was sarcasm.

 

CINDY

What's with your nose?

 

PINOCCHIO

Nothing.

                        (Grabs nose)

Ow.

 

BRENDA

Tell us what you know about the Prince so we can help him.

 

PINOCCHIO

Like I want to.

 

BRENDA

Perhaps you're the one who did it. Maybe we'll take you to the authorities and let them question you.

 

PINOCCHIO

Fine, fine. Tell you what. The person who you really want cast a spell on me so I can't tell anything about it. But what if I bring the Prince to you.

 

CINDY

Can you do that?

 

PINOCCHIO

Sure. I'll sneak him out and bring him here. Then you can do your little witch thing and wake him up.

 

CINDY

Could you, Brenda?

 

BRENDA

I could try. Why can't I just go to the castle and do it?

 

PINOCCHIO

You think they'll let a witch anywhere near the castle after all the bad PR you've had?

 

BRENDA

Good point.

 

PINOCCHIO

I'll be back.

 

BRENDA

Thank you.

 

PINOCCHIO

Happy to help.

                        (Grabs nose)

Ow.

                        (Exits)

 

WOLF

You think he'll really help?

 

BRENDA

I'll just keep bringing him back here until he does. At least I know that spell works.

 

CINDY

Can you really wake up the Prince?

 

BRENDA

I don't know but I'll try.

 

WOLF

Here comes somebody?

 

CINDY

Is it the servant with the Prince?

 

WOLF

No, it's a big guy. Sumo wrestler maybe.

 

CINDY

It looks like an egg.

 

                        (HUMPTY DUMPTY waddles in)

 

BRENDA

I know you. You're Humpty Dumpty aren't you?

 

HUMPTY

Hi. Aren't you Splenda's daughter?

 

BRENDA

Yes, I'm Brenda.

 

HUMPTY

Good to meet you. Us Dumpty's are good friends of your family.

 

CINDY

Didn't you used to work at the castle?

 

HUMPTY

Some of my family did. But not any more.

 

CINDY

Why not?

 

HUMPTY

That Prince and his royal family made sure of that. The Prince drives me nuts. I'm glad he's asleep. He was always pushing me around. I'm going to fall one of these days and he'll be sorry.

 

BRENDA

You're glad he asleep?

 

HUMPTY

Yes. He's such a bully. Now I don't have to listen to him making fun of me all the time. He's always making up rhymes about me, "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty can't come to the ball."

 

CINDY

How come you can't come to the ball?

 

HUMPTY

My uncle was a bad egg and upset the royalty family.

 

CINDY

What did he do?

 

HUMPTY

Well, he used to be the court jester. He always cracked them up.

 

WOLF

Saw that one coming.

 

HUMPTY

But then he broke a major rule. He made a joke about the Prince.

 

CINDY

Oh, dear. The royal parents don't like that.

 

HUMPTY

They boiled him in oil?

 

BRENDA

That's horrible.

 

HUMPTY

He survived but now he can hardly move. He just sits there all day doing nothing. "Roll me to bedroom will you Humpty," he says. "Roll me to the living room, Humpty," he says. It's so sad.

 

BRENDA

And now your family isn't allowed in the castle.

 

HUMPTY

All because that Prince has no sense of humor about his hair.

 

CINDY

Oh, dear. He made fun of his hair? He's very proud of his hair.

 

HUMPTY

I wish I had hair.

 

WOLF

I have enough for both of us. I'll bet I have enough hair on my sofa to make you a wig.

 

HUMPTY

That would be nice.

 

CINDY

Here comes the servant. He's got the prince.

 

(PINOCCHIO enters pushing in the PRINCE who is asleep. PRINCE has a hand mirror in his hands folded on his chest. He also has lipstick mouth prints all over his face from kisses)

 

HUMPTY

What's he doing here?

 

BRENDA

I'm going to try and wake him up.

 

HUMPTY

Why would you want to do that?

 

BRENDA

Long story.

 

CINDY

Please hurry, Brenda. He's been asleep for so long.

 

BRENDA

Here goes.

                        (Get out her wand, does her dance, music)

Holka Polka!

(There's a fizzle sound rather than a zap. WOLF lifts PRINCE's hand and lets it drop)

 

WOLF

Didn't work.

 

HUMPTY

Oh, well. Let's all go home now.

 

BRENDA

I have to keep trying.

 

HUMPTY

No, you don't.

 

PINOCCHIO

We could lose him somewhere instead. Out of sight. Out of mind.

 

HUMPTY

I like it.

 

CINDY

I would dare let you do such a thing.

 

PINOCCHIO

Typical princess. They see a handsome prince and they swoon.

 

HUMPTY

                        (Pretends to be a princess)

Oh, you're so handsome. Can we go to the ball?

 

PINOCCHIO

Sure, princess. But take a number. You can't expect me to spend the entire night with just one princess.

 

HUMPTY

Great imitation.

 

PINOCCHIO

I mean, how many princesses does this guy have on the side?

 

WOLF

Couldn't Cindy just kiss him awake?

 

CINDY

Sorry, I'm not that kind of princess.

 

PINOCCHIO

No use. Just about every princess in the kingdom has tried already.

 

(PINOCCHIO pushes PRINCE downstage so they can see that he has lipstick mouth marks from kisses all over his face)

 

HUMPTY

Those princesses just couldn't resist could they?

 

BRENDA

Wait. I have a potion.

                        (Pulls out potion SNORZ gave her)

This should work. Stand back everyone.

 

(Everyone backs away from PRINCE and BRENDA. She throws down the bottle at the base of the rolling bed the PRINCE is one. There is a boom sound and the lights go up and down. The PRINCE yawns and stretches)

 

CINDY

It worked!

 

HUMPTY

Darn.

 

PRINCE

Wow, that's the best night sleep I've had in a long time.

 

CINDY

Are you okay?

 

PRINCE

Sure. Feel great. And looking good!

                        (Holds up mirror and looks at himself)

 

WOLF

You did it, Brenda. Way to go!

 

BRENDA

But I didn't catch the one who did it.

 

(PRINCE has been checking his hair in the mirror and kisses it and falls asleep)

 

PINOCCHIO

He's asleep again.

 

BRENDA

How did that happen?

 

CINDY

I don't know. He just fell asleep.

 

BRENDA

I'm out of potion too.

 

WOLF

Back to square one.

 

HUMPTY

Oh, that's so sad. Can we lose him now?

 

PINOCCHIO

We're up on a hill. Just one good push!

                        (A rumble is heard)

I was just kidding.

                        (Grabs his nose)

Ow.

 

CINDY

What is that?

 

BRENDA

Someone's coming.

 

(Lights go up and down and then there's darkness and big poof sound and then happy fairy music. Lights come up and FGM is there)

 

FGM

Hello, everyone.

 

CINDY

Fairy godmother. It's so good to see you.

 

FGM

Oh, hello there. Oh, yes. You're shoeless Cindy aren't you?

 

CINDY

Is that what the fairies call me?

 

FGM

Afraid so.

                        (Turns to others)

So what do we think we're doing with the Prince?

 

                        (PINOCCHIO points at BRENDA)

 

PINOCCHIO

She made me do it.

 

FGM

And who are you?

 

BRENDA

I'm Brenda. Splenda's daughter.

 

FGM

A witch huh?

 

BRENDA

I was sent by the witches to help the Prince.

 

FGM

Steal him is more likely.

 

WOLF

She's trying to help. Really?

 

FGM

Says the wolf. That's makes me feel all better now. What? Will the witch cook him and the wolf eat him? Things are getting very bad here in fairytale land?

 

CINDY

You wouldn't do that, would you Brenda?

 

BRENDA

Of course not. You saw me wake him up. I'm trying to help.

 

FGM

Wake him? You were able to wake him up?

 

BRENDA

Just for a minute.

 

FGM

Did he say anything?

 

PINOCCHIO

Yes, he went on and on about his favorite subject.

 

HUMPTY

Himself.

 

FGM

But he didn't say anything. Anything that might help us figure out who did this to him?

 

BRENDA

I'm afraid not.

 

FGM

How unfortunate.

 

                        (EZI and DEZI enter with GUARDS who were playing the GNOMES)

 

EZI

There she is.

                        (Snort)

 

DEZI

She's the one.

                        (Snort)

 

                        (GUARDS rush over and grab BRENDA)

 

BRENDA

What's going on?

 

EZI

You're under arrest.

                        (Snort)

 

DEZI

To the dungeon!

                        (Snort)

 

                        (WOLF jumps to protect BRENDA)

 

WOLF

Let her go.

 

EZI

Arrest him too.

                        (Snort)

 

DEZI

He tried to eat us.

                        (Snort)

 

PINOCCHIO

And me too.

                        (Touches nose and smiles)

See, that's no lie.

 

CINDY

Please. They were only trying to help me. They shouldn't be arrested for something I did.

 

EZI

Good point.

                        (Snort)

 

DEZI

Arrest her too.

                        (Snort)

 

(GUARDS surround BRENDA, WOLF, and CINDY and they all struggle. GUARDS chase them around and the three nearly manage to escape. But GUARDS manage to get chains and ropes on them)

 

EZI

Off with their heads!

                        (Snort)

 

                        (DEZI points at WOLF)

 

DEZI

I want a rug made of that one.

                        (Snort)

 

WOLF

I hope I make you itch.

 

BRENDA

Wait. You can't do this. We didn't even have a trial. Fairy Godmother. Please.

 

FGM

She is right, you know. She must have a trial.

 

EZI

A trial?

                        (Snort)

 

DEZI

But who will be the judge?

                        (Snort)

 

FGM

I can do that if there are no objections.

 

DEZI

What about the jury?

                        (Snort)

 

EZI

And the buffet?

                        (Snort)

 

HUMPTY

Buffet?

 

EZI

I'm hungry.

                        (Snort)

 

DEZI

Don't make a pig of yourself please.

                        (Snort)

 

FGM

I think we have enough for a jury. Pinocchio, Humpty, Ezi, Dezi and the Guards.

 

BRENDA

But we already know how Ezi and Dezi will vote!

 

PINOCCHIO

Don't worry. I'm on your side.

                        (Grabs nose)

Ouch.

 

WOLF

No, he's not. He wants us gone so the prince doesn't wake up.

 

PINOCCHIO

That's not true. I love the Prince.

                        (Grabs nose)

Ow! Should have said like and that wouldn't have hurt so much.

 

WOLF

Well, they're fine with me as long as they become a hung jury.

 

BRENDA

Can't we have others on the jury? Ones that might be less discriminatory?

 

WOLF

Yes, less dee-grim-i-tary. I hate it when people are dis-crem-i-gory.

 

BRENDA

So until more jury members are found,

 

                        (SNORZ enters)

 

SNORZ

Perhaps I can help.

 

EZI

A wizard!

                        (Snort)

 

DEZI

No wizards or witches.

                        (Snort)

 

SNORZ

Why not? Too many witches on the jury now?

 

HUMPTY

That was a good one.

 

FGM

Will this wizard do?

 

BRENDA

Yes, thank you.

 

FGM

Then let's begin. Someone move the Prince to a more shady area please. He's getting a sunburn.

 

PINOCCHIO

With pleasure.

 

HUMPTY

I'll help.

 

(PINOCCHIO and HUMPTY get PRINCE and roll him to edge of stage and roll him off happily. Everyone else is getting set up for the trail, getting chairs, tables a place for judge so they don't notice)

 

PINOCCHIO

Have a nice trip.

 

HUMPTY

See you next fall.

                        (PINOCCHIO and HUMPTY laugh)

About time I got to say that to someone else.

 

FGM

Let the trial of Brenda Witch, The Wolf, and Princess Cindy begin! How do you all plea?

 

EZI and DEZI

Guilty!

                        (Snort)

 

BRENDA

Not guilty, your honor.

 

FGM

So polite. And what are they accused of?

 

EZI

Isn't it obvious?

                        (Snort)

 

DEZI

She made us pigs!

                        (Snort)

 

BRENDA

I tried to change them back.

 

EZI

See, she admits it!

                        (Snort)

 

DEZI

To the dungeon!

                        (Snort)

 

(GUARDS rise up and rush over to BRENDA, WOLF, CINDY)

 

FGM

Order! Order! We're not done here.

 

                        (GUARDS let them go and are disappointed)

                       

BRENDA

Thank you, your honor.

 

FGM

So one count of misuse of magic.

 

WOLF

Sure you want to thank her now?

 

FGM

And Mr. Wolf?

 

CINDY

Mr. Fuzzy.

 

FGM

Mr... Fuzzy. What is he accused of?

 

EZI

Trying to eat us.

                        (Snort)

 

FGM

Same old story. Wolf eating people. Will you ever change?

 

WOLF

Wolves do not eat people.

 

FGM

Did Mr. Fuzzy try to eat you in your human form?

 

DEZI

Well, sort of.

                        (Snort)

 

FGM

Sort of?

 

EZI

We were pigs at the time and then we had pig noses.

                        (Snort)

 

FGM

Tricky.

 

PINOCCHIO

He tried to eat me. I've go the teeth marks still.

 

WOLF

You're not human either.

 

PINOCCHIO

I am so a real boy.

                        (Grabs nose)

Ow!

 

FGM

And what about Princess Cindy?

 

EZI

She's a brat.

                        (Snort)

 

DEZI

And she's the brains behind the whole thing.

                        (Snort)

 

EZI

She made the other two do this to us.

                        (Snort)

 

BRENDA

No, she didn't. I did it all on my own.

 

DEZI

A confession!

                        (Snort)

 

EZI

Off with her head!

                        (Snort)

 

                        (GUARDS rush to grab BRENDA)

 

FGM

Order! Order!

 

                        (GUARDS let go and are disappointed again)

 

BRENDA

Please, your honor. I wish to stand trial alone. The wolf... I mean, Mr. Fuzzy was only trying to protect us and Princess Cindy is about as innocent as they come.

 

FGM

Well, let's see what the jury has to say.

 

EZI

I'll vote not guilty for Cindy is she promises to hand wash my dresses for a month.

                        (Snort)

 

CINDY

Okay.

 

DEZI

And you'll clean my comb collection?

                        (Snort)

 

CINDY

Yes.

 

DEZI

Not guilty.

                        (Snort)

 

PINOCCHIO

Not guilty.

 

HUMPTY

Not guilty.

 

SNORZ

Not guilty.

 

FGM

You're free to go.

 

CINDY

Brenda, you don't have to do this alone.

 

BRENDA

It's okay, Cindy. You go.

 

CINDY

You've been so kind to me. You're not what I expected from a witch.

 

                        (BRENDA and CINDY hug)

 

EZI

                        (Sarcastic)

Oh, that's so sweet.

                        (Snort)

 

DEZI

Now go home Cindy!

                        (Snort)

 

EZI

You have a lot of work to do.

                        (Snort)

 

CINDY

Bye, Mr. Fuzzy. If you ever need a home, you're always welcome to stay at my castle.

 

(CINDY gives the WOLF on last scratch on the ear and goes)

 

FGM

Now, for Mr. Fuzzy.

 

EZI

I guess he didn't actually do anything to us.

                        (Snort)

 

PINOCCHIO

He did to me! Now I have to get re-sanded now.

 

HUMPTY

I thought you were a real boy?

 

DEZI

Let the dog go or we'll never hear the end of it from Cindy.

                        (Snort)

 

                        (Others shrug or nod in agreement)

 

FGM

Not guilty then. You're free to go Mr. Fuzzy.

 

WOLF

I won't forget how nice you've been, Brenda. You witches are all right.

 

BRENDA

Thanks.

 

                        (WOLF exits)

 

FGM

So that leaves you, my dear. Jury?

 

EZI, DEZI, PINOCCHIO

Guilty!

 

BRENDA

Don't I get a defense?

 

DEZI

No.

                        (Snort)

 

EZI

Off with her head!

                        (Snort)

 

                        (GUARDS grab her)

 

BRENDA

Wait, all the jury didn't vote.

 

FGM

Majority rules.

 

BRENDA

What? You never said that.

 

SNORZ

Sorry, kid.

 

                        (BRENDA gets away from GUARDS and runs to SNORZ)

 

BRENDA

Can't you help me?

 

SNORZ

Did you get me a lock of the Prince's hair?

 

BRENDA

No, I didn't have a chance.

 

SNORZ

Can't keep giving if you don't give back.

 

BRENDA

What do you need it for anyway?

 

                        (GUARDS grab her again and SNORZ just smiles)

 

SNORZ

Bye, kid.

 

BRENDA

That's it. I'm tired of being Miss Nice Witch.

                        (Whips out wands)

Holka Polka!

                        (Dance and music)

Everybody freeze.

                        (Everyone's feet freeze to the floor. Ding sound is heard)

And I don't care about my percent of bad anymore.

                        (Ding)

This is so unfair.

 

PINOCCHIO

What did she do to us?

 

HUMPTY

Can't... move... Not that I mind. Any excuse not the carry this body around.

 

EZI

Do something, Fairy Godmother!

                        (Snort)

 

FGM

I'm sorry, my dear. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn you to fairy dust.

                        (Pulls out her wand but SPLENDA enters with music and lights)

 

SPLENDA

Wand!

                        (FGM�s wand flies out of her hand)

Splendid.

 

FGM

How dare you!

 

BRENDA

Mother!

 

SPLENDA

I came as soon as your sweetest dropped too far. What's going on here?

 

FGM

She was trying to escape trial.

 

BRENDA

It wasn't a fair trial at all.

 

SNORZ

I would have to agree. Wands!

                        (Zaps SPLENDA and BRENDA's wands away)

But I'm not sure I care.

                        (Everyone's feet are unfrozen. EZI, DEZI, PINOCCHIO, GUARDS run)

 

SPLENDA

What's going on?

 

BRENDA

I think I know. You're in with the Fairy Godmother aren't you?

 

FGM

You only thought he was a wizard. He's really...

 

SNORZ

The Fairy Godfather.

 

BRENDA

I've heard of him.

 

SPLENDA

He's pure evil.

 

BRENDA

So you two are behind the sleeping spell, aren't you?

 

FGM

Guilty.

 

SPLENDA

So why did you put the Prince to sleep?

 

BRENDA

It was all a way to make the witches look bad.

 

FGM

And it's worked well.

 

SPLENDA

As soon as everyone knows!

 

SNORZ

We can't let that happen.

 

                        (HUMPTY sneaks around and picks up SPLENDA and BRENDA wands)

 

BRENDA

What about the Prince's hair? What was that for?

 

SNORZ

To make the spell permanent.

 

BRENDA

Why could you get the Prince's hair yourself?

 

FGM

Only one pure of heart can cut it for it to work.

 

SPLENDA

And you're far from it.

 

BRENDA

So you arranged to have me do the deed.

 

SNORZ

It was too easy.

 

BRENDA

And now you'll take away magic from us and keep it all for yourself.

 

FGM

Smart little girl. Too bad no one is going to find that out.

 

SNORZ

Shall I... put them to sleep?

 

FGM

Forever!

 

(SNORZ gets ready to zap them. HUMPTY rolls in the way, throws wands to SPLENDA and BRENDA and knocks down SNORZ)

 

HUMPTY

Strike!

 

SPLENDA

Wand!

 

                        (SNORZ's wand flies away)

 

HUMPTY

Hold it right there, wizard.

 

BRENDA

Fairy Godmother is getting away!

 

                        (SPLENDA waves her wand)

 

SPLENDA

Trip!

 

                        (FGM trips and falls. BRENDA grabs her)

 

FGM

That wasn't very nice.

 

SPLENDA

But you made a splendid crash.

 

FGM

Witch.

 

SPLENDA

Fairy.

 

HUMPTY

Ladies, please.

 

BRENDA

So who are you?

 

HUMPTY

Humphrey Dumpty, Private Egg. Hard-boiled detective.

 

BRENDA

So you were just pretending to be Humpty?

 

HUMPTY

I can appear soft-boiled when I want to. I was pretending to be a disgruntled servant to get in with Pinocchio who seems the most guilty but then he let me to the real brains of the operation. The fairy godparents. Let's take these two to the dungeon.

 

BRENDA

Wait. We need their help to wake the prince.

 

SPLENDA

I'll get him.

 

(SPLENDA waves her wand and PRINCE comes rolling in. He's covered with branches and leaves from being pushed down the hill and into the forest)

 

HUMPTY

Looks like he had a rough ride.

 

                        (CINDY and WOLF return)

 

CINDY

Is everything okay? My sisters came home squealing and screaming and locked themselves in their towers.

 

WOLF

And Pinocchio planted himself in the forest and is pretending to be a tree. I had to see what was up.

 

BRENDA

I think we have everything under control. We just need to convince Fairy Godmother and Fairy Godfather to wake the Prince.

 

CINDY

Fairy Godfather?

 

WOLF

You're him? The Fairy Godfather? He's bad news. You should have seen what he did to the King's horses... so unless you want me to get all the King's horses over here!

 

SNORZ

No, no. Not the King's horses.

 

HUMPTY

They are a tough crowd. I always go to pieces around them.

 

CINDY

And fairy godmother. You should be ashamed of yourself. You're supposed to be helping people. I should have known you were no good after the way you treated the King's men.

 

FGM

I don't know what you're talking about.

 

CINDY

Maybe we should get the King's men and they can tell all about it.

 

FGM

Not the King's men. Anybody but them.

 

HUMPTY

So unless you want to have a talk with all the King's horses and all the King's men, I think you need to wake up the Prince again.

 

FGM

Fine. Go ahead and wake him.

 

SNORZ

I need my wand.

 

SPLENDA

We'll be watching you close.

 

(SPLENDA gives him his wand and stands behind him with her wand to his back)

 

SNORZ

Awake!

 

                        (PRINCE yawns and sits up and stretches)

 

WOLF

That was easy.

 

SNORZ

I just make it look easy.

 

(SPLENDA snatches away his wand)

 

PRINCE

What a good nap. I hope I don't have bed head.

 

CINDY

You look great.

 

PRINCE

Don't I always?

                        (Looks around)

Why was I sleeping out here?

 

FGM

Please, my Prince. Order these witches and rabble arrested.

 

PRINCE

What for? What did they do?

 

HUMPTY

Nothing. She's the real culprit.

 

PRINCE

Humpty?

 

HUMPTY

Humphrey, actually. Detective. The King and Queen hired me to find out who put a sleeping spell.

 

PRINCE

Sleeping spell. So that explains why I feel so rested.

 

FGM

See, he feels good. No harm. No foul.

 

PRINCE

What are you talking about?

 

BRENDA

She's the one who put the sleeping spell on you.

 

PRINCE

You did? I thought you were supposed to do nice things.

 

FGM

I did it for your own good. I only did it to teach a lesson about controlling your vanity.

 

HUMPTY

Likely story.

 

PRINCE

Vain? I'm not vain.

 

                        (PRINCE looks at himself in his mirror and falls asleep)

 

CINDY

Oh, no!

 

BRENDA

You mean the spell isn't broken.

 

FGM

I guess not.

 

SNORZ

I'm afraid that part is permanent.

 

CINDY

He can never look in a mirror again?

 

SNORZ

Not without falling asleep.

                        (SPLENDA gives him his wand)

Awake!

                        (SPLENDA takes wand back)

 

PRINCE

I've learned my lesson... please... How can I do anything without my mirrors? How can I do my hair, how can check my teeth for any imperfections?

 

FGM

You can have your servants do it for you, as usual.

 

PRINCE

True, but the thought of never seeing myself again! Please, reverse the spell. All will be made right and you can go free.

 

FGM

Really?

 

HUMPTY

Sorry, but I'm taking them in. I'm afraid her plan went way deeper. She had bigger eggs to fry. The sleeping spell was only the Easter coloring on a much more rotten egg.

 

                        (GUARDS enter and HUMPTY points at FGM and SNORZ)

 

FGM

Please, Prince. Don't let them do this to me.

 

PRINCE

Can you reverse the sleeping spell?

 

SNORZ

Nope.

 

PRINCE

Then take them away.

 

                        (GUARDS take FGM and SNORZ away)

 

BRENDA

I will do my best to find a way to reverse that sleeping spell.

 

CINDY

Meanwhile, have I got the perfect mirror for you.

 

PRINCE

You think you have a mirror that will work?

 

BRENDA

Right. The trick mirror your sisters gave you. It might since it's enchanted. And if it doesn't work, you know where those fairy godparents will be if he falls asleep again.

 

HUMPTY

Doing dungeon duty.

 

CINDY

Could you perhaps escort me home, Prince?

 

PRINCE

I would be delighting.

 

CINDY

Delighted?

                        (She smiles and giggles)

 

PRINCE

Farewell, good people and thank you for your assistance.

                       (CINDY exits with PRINCE)

 

WOLF

She could do better.

 

CINDY (off)

Come on, Mr. Fuzzy.

 

WOLF

Coming. Bye, all.

                        (WOLF exits)

 

BRENDA

And thanks for your help, Detective Dumpty.

 

HUMPTY

It was a hard shell to crack, but I managed to scramble up enough evidence to poach me some crooks.

 

BRENDA

Couldn't resist, could you? Ready mother?

 

SPLENDA

Ready. You did a Splendid job, dear. You made me proud.

 

BRENDA

Thanks, mom. Shall we walk home?

 

SPLENDA

Why not?

(BRENDA and SPLENDA exit. HUMPTY steps up. Lights very slowly fade during following until there is only a spotlight on HUMPTY)

 

HUMPTY

It was dark and stormy night in fairyland. A night just perfect for witches. With fairy godmother in the clink, I began to wonder if we were ready for a world turned topsy-turvy. Sweet witches and friendly wolves. Wise wizards and princesses with pig noses. It's a world gone mad but somehow things are looking sunny-side up and we may find some kind of happily ever after in fairytale land.

 

(Detective type music plays as HUMPTY walks out of the spotlight. Lights fade to black)

 

END OF PLAY

 

 



 

 


Print this play from your web browser for free or purchase a clean PDF copy of the play from CurrClick.com for $4.99: http://www.currclick.com/product/92904/Holka-Polka-classroom-only

Also a book version of the play is available on Amazon.com:


Fun production idea!

Use this free poster as a coloring page in your program that kids can take home with them or even hand out crayons for during the show and add an autograph page for after the show!

free play for kids fairy tale mystery

(click to enlarge free coloring page)

(click here for free full size color version)


Share this play on Twitter!

Search for a play

Custom Search

More Free Plays:

  • Most Popular Free Plays

  • Free Short Plays

  • Free Plays for Children

  • Free Full Length Plays

  • Free One Act Plays

  • Free Monologues

  • Free Small Cast Plays

  • New! Updates!


    Copyright (c) 2013

    For permission to use this script, contact doug@freedrama.net (PLEASE include the title of the script in your request).

    The play is FREE... if... and only if... your performance of the script is at no cost (i.e. classroom, workshop, audition or competition). When you use a script for free, I do ask a couple small things in return: www.freedrama.net/nocost.html

    This script is COPYRIGHTED material. You are NOT allowed to repost the script online for any reason (even educational). You may create a link to the script, but do not republish or redistribute the text of the script in any way.

    However, you may record your performance of the script and place the VIDEO online (as long as no text from the script is included). Please be professional and CREDIT the author D. M. Larson and the website Freedrama.net in the description and/or credits.

    If you CHARGE admission, there is a ROYALTY fee. Please go to http://www.freedrama.net/royalty.html for more information.

    All ARTWORK from the Freedrama website related to the script (i. e. posters) may be used for free for programs, posters and advertising of the script. Please credit artist Shiela Larson. If you would like art created by Shiela for your program, contact us at doug@freedrama.net

    Thank you for selecting my script. HAVE FUN and enjoy the play.

    Sincerely,

    D. M. Larson