A Little Private Education

 

A Comedy

 

by

 

D. M. Larson

 

Copyright (c) 1995, 2004

All Rights Reserved*

 

 

 

Cast of Characters

 

LUKE: Luke Stafford - running a private school

PEG: Peggy Stafford - sister of Luke

PLUM: Paul Plum - plumber

POKE: Mable Poke - patron and sustainer of school

 

 

Time and Place

A modern day small private school

 

 

Scene 1

 

                        (LIGHTS come up on a very messy room. Only a

                        tornado could have done such damage although,

                        children are responsible for the destruction.

                        LUKE is buried center stage)

 

                                                            LUKE

                        (In a broken, tired voice)

"Conjunction junction. What's your function? Workin' on sentences, phrases, and clauses..."

                        (Climbs from rubble)

What happened?

                        (Feels a draft. Looks at rear of pants)

How did I rip a hole there?

                        (Looks around)

Look at this place. This isn't Kansas anymore, Toto.

                        (Stops)

Toto?

                        (Searches)

Toto, where are you?

                        (Stops)

They took Toto.

                        (Falls onto couch defeated. Knock at the door)

I don't want any!

                        (Knock again)

Maybe they've come back. Could they have forgotten to break something?

                        (Answers door)

 

                                                            PLUM

Paul Plum Plumbing.

 

                                                            LUKE

The plumber with the pee.

 

                                                            PLUM

                        (Sarcastic)

Gee, I�ve never heard that one. Is this Peter Poke Private School?

 

                                                            LUKE

I don't know anymore. It could be.

                        (Looks around)

You know I think it is.

 

                                                            PLUM

Are you Peter Poke?

 

                                                            LUKE

Oh, don't I wish. That would be a dream come true. Then I would be dead and I wouldn't have to CLEAN THIS MESS UP!

 

                                                            PLUM

Do you want me to go?

 

                                                            LUKE

I don't know. Do I?

 

                                                            PLUM

I still have to charge you for the emergency call.

           

                                                            LUKE

Then come on in. Share the misery. And share the wealth.

 

                                                            PLUM

What happened to this place? A tornado hit?

 

                                                            LUKE

Something like that.

 

                                                            PLUM

I'm only a plumber you know. I'm not a maid.

 

                                                            LUKE

I suppose that makes me the maid then.

 

                                                            PLUM

So you work here, huh?

 

                                                            LUKE

I'm the teacher.

 

                                                            PLUM

I thought you said you were the maid.

 

                                                            LUKE

I am. I do it all.

 

                                                            PLUM

So, what's the problem?

 

                                                            LUKE

Today was science day. We were doing experiments and some of my students decided to find out how many paper clips it takes to plug a toilet.

 

                                                            PLUM

And you let them?

 

                                                            LUKE

I didn't know about it. They took turns in there. I thought they were doing what people normally do in bathrooms.

 

                                                            PLUM

Did you start to wonder after they were in there awhile?

 

                                                            LUKE

Look. Are you going to fix it or not?

 

                                                            PLUM

Hey, you're paying me the emergency service rate. I'm staying.

                        (LUKE cleans up during the rest of the scene)

 

                                                            LUKE

I had to do the emergency rate. Nobody could come for a week otherwise.

 

                                                            PLUM

Besides, my horoscope said during a crisis I will find romance. I thought this might be it.

 

                                                            LUKE

Sorry, I'm not interested.

 

                                                            PLUM

I didn't mean you.

 

                                                            LUKE

Good. I hope not.

 

                                                            PLUM

Got any cute babes around here?

 

                                                            LUKE

None over eighteen. Sorry.

 

                                                            PLUM

I sure hope some other crisis comes up then. I need a date.

 

                                                            LUKE

Who knows maybe you'll find a beautiful woman clogging my toilet? That would make a great TV movie. They could call it Romancing the Toilet. Or Gone with the Flush. Or While You Were Flushing.

 

                                                            PLUM

So where's the John?

 

                                                            LUKE

The what?

 

                                                            PLUM

The throne. The porcelain god.

 

                                                            LUKE

                        (Realizes)

The toilet. I'm a little slow today. Sorry. It's right through there. Enjoy.

 

                                                            PLUM

So this is a school, huh?

 

                                                            LUKE

No, actually it's a nuclear test site. Couldn't you tell?

 

                                                            PLUM

You definitely sound like you've had a hard day. You seem a little touchy.

 

                                                            LUKE

Look at this place. The kids destroyed it. A whole summer of research and idealism down the drain.

 

                                                            PLUM

Don't you mean, down the toilet?

 

                                                            LUKE

Plumber humor, right?

 

                                                            PLUM

                        (Chuckling)

Yeah.

 

                                                            LUKE

Well, I don't like it.

 

                                                            PLUM

Sorry.

 

                                                            LUKE

Aren't you supposed to be doing something?

 

                                                            PLUM

I don't know. Am I?

 

                                                            LUKE

I'm paying you by the hour aren't I?

 

                                                            PLUM

Hey, I'm in no hurry. You're my last job today.

 

                                                            LUKE

Well, I am in a hurry! Get moving will you.

 

                                                            PLUM

Fine. I was trying to be customer friendly.

 

                                                            LUKE

I can find cheaper friends on street corner.

 

                                                            PLUM

I need to go downstairs to get my tools.

 

                                                            LUKE

Why didn't you bring them up with you?

 

                                                            PLUM

I wanted to make sure this was the right place.

                        (Exits)

 

                                                            LUKE

Why can't teachers get paid by the hour?

                        (Gets a calculator)

Let's see Mr. Plum gets $50 an hour.

                        (Adds up)

If I got that for eights hours of school, along with two hours of planning and correct papers a night. Another six hours each night for four parent teacher conferences. Along with science fairs, Christmas plays... $90,000. Not bad. Maybe we should let big business run education after all.

 

                                                            PEG

                        (Enters)

Hey, bro, how'd your...

                        (Sees room)

...day go.

 

                                                            LUKE

Wonderful. Couldn't have been better?

 

                                                            PEG

I think you're lying.

 

                                                            LUKE

What tipped you off? The mess or the rip in my stern?

                        (Shows torn pants)

 

                                                            PEG

Nice boxers.

 

                                                            LUKE

Oh, shut up.

 

                                                            PEG

Boy, you did have a bad day.

 

                                                            LUKE

It was a disaster.

 

                                                            PEG

How'd you rip your pants?

 

                                                            LUKE

Let's see. It's coming back to me now. I was over here helping Sally with her science project and Philip decided it would be funny to tie me to the chair I was sitting in. And instead of the kids helping untie me they yanked the chair off me. Thus the ripped rear.

 

                                                            PEG

                        (Trying not to laugh)

This tops my day.

 

                                                            LUKE

Go ahead. Laugh it up. I'm sure I'll think it's funny too 100 years from now.

 

                                                            PEG

I'm trying to be nice.

                        (Laughs)

 

                                                            LUKE

Thanks. You're doing a great job.

 

                                                            PEG

It looks like you have quite a job here too.

 

                                                            LUKE

I should be able to get it cleaned up just in time to start school tomorrow.

 

                                                            PEG

I'll stay and help you.

 

                                                            LUKE

                        (Suddenly becomes a little pleasant)

Would you, Peg?

 

                                                            PEG

                        (Hugs and baby talks him)

Yes, anything for my brother.

 

                                                            LUKE

You're a good person. And a good sister.

 

                                                            PEG

Now this is more like it. I like you much better this way.

 

                                                            LUKE

I was being pretty bad. Especially to Fritz the wonder plumber. I wonder if he's coming back.

 

                                                            PEG

So that's who that guy was. He was sure cute. I would sure love to see that plumber's pants sag.

 

                                                            LUKE

You may get your chance. He's being paid by the hour so he'll probably be with us for a while. I wonder if I should plan on him for breakfast.

 

                                                            PEG

You're getting sarcastic again.

 

                                                            LUKE

I'm feeling sarcastic again.

 

                                                            PEG

The moment is gone.

 

                                                            LUKE

And what a moment it was.

 

                                                            PEG

Don't you go and be mean to the plumber again. I might be interested and I don't want you to blow it for me.

 

                                                            LUKE

You're that desperate, huh?

 

                                                            PEG

What's wrong with him?

 

                                                            LUKE

The man has hands in toilets all day. Isn't that enough?

 

                                                            PEG

I like a man who knows how to use his hands.

 

                                                            LUKE

I don't want to hear this. I'm not listening.

 

                                                            PEG

Besides, he'll have some extra spending money after today.

 

                                                            LUKE

No kidding. Where did he go anyway? Back to his office? If it takes him this long to get his tools, I can't imagine how long it will take to fix a toilet.

 

                                                            PLUM

                        (Enters)

I'm back.

 

                                                            LUKE

It's a miracle.

                        (PEG hits him)

Did you get lost?

 

                                                            PLUM

No. I had someone call me on my car phone.

 

                                                            LUKE

I hope you charged him for the time and not me.

 

                                                            PEG

                        (Pushes LUKE out of the way)

Hi, my name's Peg.

 

                                                            PLUM

Nice to meet you.

 

                                                            PEG

I'm Luke's sister.

 

                                                            PLUM

Really nice to meet you.

 

                                                            LUKE

Can you get to work please?

 

                                                            PLUM

                        (Starts going DL)

Let's see.

 

                                                            LUKE

Wrong way. It's up there.

           

                                                            PLUM

Right.

                        (Exits U)

 

                                                            PEG

                        (Looks into bathroom)

He is so cute.

                        (Waves)

 

                                                            LUKE

If you don't leave him alone, I'm sending you the bill.

 

                                                            PEG

No ring. Must be single.

 

                                                            LUKE

He probably lost it down someone's sink.

 

                                                            PEG

So you think he's married?

 

                                                            LUKE

He must be single. He mentioned he had romantic intentions to me.

 

                                                            PEG

Romantic? With you?

 

                                                            LUKE

Not with me. He said he was looking for some today.

 

                                                            PEG

Oh, good. I was worried there. It seems like all the good men are married or gay.

 

                                                            LUKE

Thanks.

 

                                                            PEG

Or they're your brother.

 

                                                            LUKE

Too late. I'm already insulted.

 

                                                            PLUM

                        (Comes out)

Brought up the wrong tools. Be right back.

                        (Exits R)

 

                                                            LUKE

There's another hour of nothing. Is he intentionally dragging this out or is it just me?

 

                                                            PEG

Maybe he's trying to get a good look at me.

 

                                                            LUKE

Maybe he's trying to get more money.

 

                                                            PEG

I wonder if he needs some help.

 

                                                            LUKE

Maybe you could get him to actually start working.

 

                                                            PEG

Speaking of work. I quit my job today.

                        (She cheers)

 

                                                            LUKE

Why? What for? You can't quit. You need a job.

 

                                                            PEG

I hated at that copy place. It was making me miserable. I was having dreams about it. I keep dreaming about the machine that kept making copies of my boss and they all kept following me around and pinching me.

 

                                                            LUKE

Does he really pinch you?

 

                                                            PEG

Yes, and I swore I'd either quit or do something to him next time he did it.

 

                                                            LUKE

I'm glad you decided to quit then.

 

                                                            PEG

Actually I did both.

 

                                                            LUKE

Oh, no. What did you do?

 

                                                            PEG

I pretend one of the copiers was broken and then I helped him get his tie stuck.

 

                                                            LUKE

Oh, man. Peg.

 

                                                            PEG

And I gave him a good pinch, unfortunately he liked that part.

 

 

                                                            LUKE

You have a sad fantasy life, Peg.

 

                                                            PEG

That's why I need another job.

 

                                                            LUKE

It could be worse. You could work for a plumber and dream that you're being flushed down a toilet over and over.

 

                                                            PEG

Or I could just come here and be a part of a living nightmare.

 

                        (PLUM reenters)

                                                            LUKE

I can�t believe you quit at Sir Prints a Lot. I love that place. Everyone dressed up in medieval costumes.

 

                                                            PEG

You just like the low cut costumes we have to wear.

 

                                                            PLUM

I hate that place. A bunch of geeks hanging out pretending to make copies so they can look at the pretty girls that creep hires.

                        (Exits)

 

                                                            PEG

I think I'm in love.

 

                                                            LUKE

With Mr. Plumber? Can you image how he probably smells at the end of the day?

 

                                                            PEG

You're sick.

 

                                                            LUKE

You're desperate.

 

                                                            PEG

He's cute.

 

                                                            LUKE

                        (A flush is heard)

That was fast. My bank account is saved.

 

                                                            PLUM

All done.

 

                                                            LUKE

Great.

 

                                                            PEG

                        (Aside to LUKE)

Offer him something to drink.

 

                                                            LUKE

He'll probably charge me for the time. No.

 

                                                            PLUM

                        (Hands over bill)

There you go.

                        (PLUM makes eyes at PEG)

 

                                                            LUKE

100 dollars! Two hours!

 

                                                            PLUM

Service charge and travel time.

 

                                                            LUKE

That's a lot of money. Have big plans tonight?

                        (Goes for check book)

 

                                                            PLUM

Not yet.

 

                                                            LUKE

How about I give you my sister tonight and we'll call it even?

 

                                                            PEG

                        (Slugs LUKE)

Luke!

 

                                                            LUKE

I was only joking. She's not worth that much.

                        (PEG slugs him)

 

                                                            PEG

Can I offer you something to drink?

 

                                                            PLUM

You sure can.

 

                                                            PEG

Wait here and I'll get it.

                        (Exits L)

 

                                                            PLUM

She's your sister, huh?

 

                                                            LUKE

Yeap.

 

                                                            PLUM

Is she... uh... available?

 

                                                            LUKE

Well, she always has guys lined up.

 

                                                            PLUM

                        (Disappointed)

Oh.

 

                                                            LUKE

                        (Sighs)

But she isn�t dating anyone right now. She's waiting for the right guy to come long.

 

                                                            PLUM

                        (Brightens)

Oh.

 

                                                            PEG

                        (Enters with drink)

Here you go.

 

                                                            PLUM

Thanks.

 

                                                            LUKE

                        (Looks at rear)

I better go home and change.

                        (Starts to exit R)

Lock up for me, Peg.

                        (Pause)

Wait a minute. I am home. You mean I don't get to leave. Ever again.

                        (Sits)

It will always be here, haunting me. Never, ever live at your job.

 

                                                            PLUM

No danger of that with plumbing.

 

                                                            LUKE

Uh, but the smell.

 

                                                            PEG

Luke�

 

                                                            LUKE

Come on, admit it. The smell must linger.

 

                                                            PLUM

Jeez, I take a bath you know.

 

                                                            PEG

Just ignore, Luke.

 

                                                            LUKE

You can�t ignore the plumber though. Pull his finger and his smell will linger.

 

                                                            PEG

                        (Grabs LUKE)

What are you trying to do?

 

                                                            LUKE

Sorry, I�m not up for entertaining just now, especially with the hired help.

 

                                                            PEG

When did you get to be such a snob?

 

                                                            LUKE

When did you get so desperate?

 

                                                            PLUM
Well, thanks for the drink. I better be going.

 

                                                            PEG

No, wait. Please. Luke, you say you�re sorry.

 

                                                            LUKE

                        (Gets up)

I better go change.

                        (Exits)

 

                                                            PEG

I�m so sorry. He can be such a jerk sometimes.

 

                                                            PLUM

If you're that mad at him, we could clog up his toilet again.

 

                                                            PEG

Let's.

 

                                                            PLUM

Okay.

                        (They excitedly run up to the bathroom)

I know some great ways to clog up toilets. I've seen the worst.

                        (Exit. Phone rings)

 

                                                            LUKE

                        (Off)

Peg. Could you get that? Peg?

                        (Looks out)

Where'd she go?

                        (Comes out in boxers)

I guess they left together. I'll bet that's the quickest that plumber ever worked.

                        (Gets phone)

Hello. Oh, hi Mrs. Poke. Alright...

                        (Looks around)

Mable. Tonight? Well, I'm not sure it's a good night for a meeting... If you insist... 7:00... Okay. I guess dinner's okay too. Bye.

                        (Hangs up)

Weird. Why did she want to meet me tonight?

                        (Hears them in bathroom and grabs something for

                        cover. They come out)

What were you two doing in the bathroom?

 

                                                            PEG

Paul was showing me some tricks of the trade.

 

                                                            PLUM

She's a quick learner.

 

                                                            LUKE

There you go, Peg. You can become a plumber.

 

                                                            PLUM

                        (To PEG)

So you quit your job?

 

                                                            PEG

Afraid so.

 

                                                            PLUM

This is so perfect. I have been looking for an assistant and the Department of Labor is insisting we have more females on staff.

 

                                                            PEG

Well, I'm female.

 

                                                            PLUM

I noticed.

 

                                                            PEG

I'm getting ill.

                        (Exits to get clothes)

 

                                                            PLUM

Why don't I take you downtown and introduce you to my office staff tomorrow. Where can we meet?

 

                                                            PEG

Here, I guess.

 

                                                            PLUM

You live here too?

 

                                                            PEG

No, but my place is hard to find.

 

                                                            PLUM

I'm a good finder, especially when there's something worth looking for.

 

                                                            PEG

Here's my address and number then.

                        (Writes on some paper)

I dare you to try and find it.

 

                                                            PLUM

You've got a bet. See you tomorrow then.

 

                                                            PEG

It's a date.

 

                                                            PLUM

Okay.

                        (Exits as LUKE enters in pants)

 

                                                            PEG

I'm in love!

 

                                                            LUKE

With Arnold Swartzenplumber?

 

                                                            PEG

Yes.

 

                                                            LUKE

Isn't it best not to get romantically involved with the people you work with?

 

                                                            PEG

It's a great job security.

 

                                                            LUKE

Yeah, until the romance is over and then so is the job. Think it through, Peg.

 

                                                            PEG

What about you and Mrs. Poke, your patron of this fine school?

 

                                                            LUKE

What about us, I mean her, I mean...

 

                                                            PEG

Ah, Lukie is all tonge tied? You sweet on her?

 

                                                            LUKE

What? No. I don't know what you�re talking about.

 

                                                            PEG

I see how she looks at you. She wants you bad.

 

                                                            LUKE

No way. We have a purely professional relationship.

 

                                                            PEG

The only thing she wants is a professional gigolo. Why else do you think she is funding your school?

 

                                                            LUKE

Because I have a great educational theory.

 

                                                            PEG

Come on. You posted a web page with a few ideas and great picture of yourself. I doubt she even read what you wrote. She just saw the picture and she was hooked.

 

                                                            LUKE

I'm sure her visit tonight is nothing but professional.

 

                                                            PEG

She's visiting tonight. A professional night visit with her toy boy huh?

 

                                                            LUKE

It's nothing like that at all. She's just very busy and it's the only time she can fit me in.

 

                                                            PEG

Okay, fine. Have your dinner meeting. Where are you going?

 

                                                            LUKE

Huh?

 

                                                            PEG

Where is your dinner meeting? She taking you some place nice?

 

                                                            LUKE

She wanted to meet here.

 

                                                            PEG

Here? At your house? Alone?

 

                                                            LUKE

This is the school too you know. And

                        (Goes over to a pile of junk)

This is my office. If I can find my desk again.

 

                                                            PEG

Don't forget the candles and the music. I'm sure she'll bring the wine.

 

                                                            PLUM

                        (Returns)

Excuse me...

                        (Sees LUKE's annoyance. Knocks)

Knock, knock.

 

                                                            LUKE

I don't want any.

 

                                                            PLUM

Peg?

 

                                                            PEG

Yes?

 

                                                            PLUM

I just remembered that I had two tickets to a hockey game tonight. You want to go?

 

                                                            PEG

What time?

 

                                                            PLUM

We could meet at 5:00 and have dinner.

 

                                                            PEG

Sounds good to me.

 

                                                            PLUM

Pick you up here?

 

                                                            PEG

No, I want to change into something nicer.

 

                                                            LUKE

To a hockey game?

 

                                                            PEG

Dinner might be fancy.

 

                                                            PLUM

Yeah. I always like to dress up when I go to the Chuck Wagon.

 

                                                            LUKE

Boy, aren't you glad you got your spurs shined?

 

                                                            PEG

Just because I don't have rich old women taking me out on dates...

 

                                                            LUKE

It's not a date...

 

                                                            PEG

Uh-huh.

                        (Writes down address on paper)

 

                                                            LUKE

And she's not old.

 

                                                            PEG

Neither was Mrs. Robinson.

                        (Give address to PLUM)

Here's my number and address.

 

                                                            PLUM

I'll see you soon then.

 

                                                            PEG

Bye.

                        (He exits)

Finally. A guy with a job.

 

                                                            LUKE

And what a job it is.

 

                                                            PEG

He sure soaked you.

 

                                                            LUKE

For that much money, I ought to be a plumber.

 

                                                            PEG

Well, I'm off.

 

                                                            LUKE

Are you sure you should go out with him tonight?

 

                                                            PEG

What do you mean?

 

                                                            LUKE

I have a bad feeling about it, that's all.

 

                                                            PEG

You have a bad feeling about it? Since when did you develop an intuition?

 

                                                            LUKE

Since he walked in the door. Something doesn't seem right about him. Maybe it's the way he smells.

 

                                                            PEG

He had on very nice cologne.

 

                                                            LUKE

I think it was toilet water.

 

                                                            PEG

Are you done with the plumber jokes yet?

 

                                                            LUKE

I don't know. Give me a minute.

 

                                                            PEG

I haven't got a minute. I have a date to get ready for. And so do you.

 

                                                            LUKE

It's not a date!

 

                                                            PEG

Oh, I see. You can tease me but I can't tease you.

 

                                                            LUKE

I haven't been that bad.

 

                                                            PEG

You were a complete jerk when Paul was having a drink.

 

                                                            LUKE

                        (Smiles)

Oh, that.

 

                                                            PEG

That wasn't funny.

 

                                                            LUKE

Sorry.

 

                                                            PEG

I'll bet you are.

 

                                                            LUKE

And he still liked you despite my jerkiness. He must really like you then.

 

                                                            PEG

True.

 

                                                            LUKE

So in a way I helped things along.

 

                                                            PEG

I wouldn't go that far.

 

                                                            LUKE

You better get going. You don't have much time.

 

                                                            PEG

You going to be able to clean this all up yourself?

 

                                                            LUKE

No problem. I have it taken care of in no time. All I have to do is spread some gasoline, light a few matches...

 

                                                            PEG

And blame it on the kids. That's awful.

 

                                                            LUKE

Actually I was thinking of blaming it on you.

 

                                                            PEG

Thanks a lot.

 

                                                            LUKE

I'll split the money with you.

 

                                                            PEG

Okay.

 

                                                            LUKE

Now who's the awful one?

 

                                                            PEG

I've got bills to pay.

 

                                                            LUKE

And no job to pay them.

 

                                                            PEG

I'll bum off my brother. He has money coming out his ears.

 

                                                            LUKE

Hardly.

 

                                                            PEG

What? You mean Mrs. Poke isn't lining your pockets?

 

                                                            LUKE

Not that much.

 

                                                            PEG

Then you haven't been a good boy.

 

                                                            LUKE

What are you talking about?

 

                                                            PEG

You haven't lived up to her expectations.

 

                                                            LUKE

Not this again.

 

                                                            PEG

Hey, Luke. This could be your big chance.

 

                                                            LUKE

For what?

 

                                                            PEG

The big time. She's loaded. You could be the next Mr. Poke.

 

                                                            LUKE

You're not funny.

 

                                                            PEG

Please. Do it for me? Your sister needs your help.

 

                                                            LUKE

She needs the help of a psychiatrist.

 

                                                            PEG

My credit card bill needs your help too.

 

                                                            LUKE

A job would help you more.

 

                                                            PEG

You'd be really rich.

 

                                                            LUKE

I'm not listening to this anymore.

 

                                                            PEG

All I'm getting at is you better not disappoint the woman. Give her what she wants, if you want this school of yours to work.

 

                                                            LUKE

Anything she wants? You mean like a back rub.

 

                                                            PEG

Or something more?

 

                                                            LUKE

I don't want to think about this.

 

                                                            PEG

You'd better think about it.

 

                                                            LUKE

I don't know if I can do this.

 

                                                            PEG

Why not? She's rich and powerful. Who says money can't buy anything?

 

                                                            LUKE

It can't buy me.

 

                                                            PEG

Then you can kiss your school good-bye.

                        (Pause)

If you really had to make a choice, would you give up the school?

 

                                                            LUKE

We're talking fiction here.

 

                                                            PEG

Just for fun. Say I'm right. Pretend Mrs. Poke would like to... uh... date you... often. Then what?

 

                                                            LUKE

                        (Annoyed)

I wouldn't do it, okay.

 

                                                            PEG

Fine. Boy, you're no fun.

 

                                                            LUKE

What would you do?

 

                                                            PEG

I'd take the money.

 

                                                            LUKE

Mom sure raised you right.

 

                                                            PEG

Face it, Luke. Money equals happiness squared.

 

                                                            LUKE

Let me introduce you to Satan here. Does he have a deal for you.

 

                                                            PEG

Oh, ye of little money.

 

                                                            LUKE

Now you sound like you want me to seduce her.

 

                                                            PEG

You could use the money.

 

                                                            LUKE

No, you could use the money. But you're not getting it.

 

                                                            PEG

Fine. Keep it all yourself. See if I care.

 

                                                            LUKE

Let's hope you're not right or we'll both be out of a job.

 

                                                            PEG

I'd seriously think it over. Unemployment isn't fun.

 

                                                            LUKE

Then why do you always quit your jobs?

 

                                                            PEG

I don't know. Working isn't that great either I guess.

 

                                                            LUKE

You are a complicated person, Peg.

 

                                                            PEG

I like it that way. It keeps them guessing.

 

                                                            LUKE

I just hope there's an answer.

 

                                                            PEG

I better go.

 

                                                            LUKE

A romantic evening at the hockey rink?

 

                                                            PEG

At least I have a date with someone my own age.

 

                                                            LUKE

It's better than being sung to by Chucky the Wood Chuck at the Chuck Wagon.

 

                                                            PEG

I like Chucky.

 

                                                            LUKE

You would.

 

                                                            PEG

Enjoy your date.

 

                                                            LUKE

It's not a date!

 

                                                            PEG

Wear your blue silk shirt. She'll love you in that.

 

                                                            LUKE

Go away.

 

                                                            PEG

Think about taking her up on any offers.

 

                                                            LUKE

Think about getting mental help.

 

                                                            PEG

I'm hurt. I'm going now.

 

                                                            LUKE

Good. Bye.

 

                                                            PEG

But I will have my revenge.

                        (Exits)

 

                                                            LUKE

Yeah, right.

                        (Goes to bathroom)

Finally the bathroom is fixed. I don't think I could have waited much longer.

                        (Exits)

Ah! What happened to my toilet?!

                        (Lights fade to black)

 

 

 

Scene 2

 

                        (Later that evening)

 

LUKE

(Rushing around. Steps on something)

Aw! Another crayon! I'll never get this place clean. Mrs. Poke will think I'm running a pig stye.

(Steps on another crayon)

Aw! Die evil crayon.

(Stomps it)

I feel much better now. I hope everything is okay in here. I want it to be comfortable for her.

(pulls out something from the school)

But I want it to look like a school.

(Pulls out something else from the school)

A really good school.

(Pulls out more)

Now it's a mess again.

(Cleans up)

Music. That's what we need.

(Turns on. Tunes. Hard rock)

Too loud.

(Tunes. Easy listening. Dances to it funny)

Ew! Not that.

(Tunes . 70's Bee Gees. Does a Saturday Night Fever impression)

I can feel the polyester already.

(Tunes)

There must be something Mrs. Poke would like.

(Tunes. Gets Simon and G. "Mrs. Robinson.")

No. Not good.

(Tunes. Classical)

Not too loud. Not too soft. Not too suggestive. And to quote that famous philosopher Goldylocks, It is just right.

(Knock at door)

Here she is. Breathe, Luke, breathe.

(Goes for door)

Coming.

(Opens door. Mrs. Poke is in a sexy outfit)

Uh, hi.

 

POKE

Well, hello there. How's my little school master?

 

LUKE

Great. Great. Very successful first week.

 

POKE

It doesn't look like they did too much damage.

 

LUKE

Ran smooth as a baby's behind. No major problems at all.

 

POKE

I heard my nephew was a handful though. Did he really try to bungee jump out the window?

 

LUKE

Oh, no. Of course not. He was seeing how many rubber bands would support a stuffed animal.

 

POKE

I heard he also wanted to try it on a first grader.

 

LUKE

He was only joking around. What a sense of humor.

 

POKE

His other schools didn't think so. I'm so glad there's a place where he can explore and find his own way.

 

LUKE

He certainly is doing that.

 

POKE

You must be a wonderful influence on him.

(moves in)

So loving. So caring. So giving.

 

LUKE

So where are we going for dinner?

 

POKE

(Takes off sweater or jacket)

I'm not hungry...for dinner.

 

LUKE

(nervous)

Oh.

 

POKE

Let's get to know each other a little better.

(sits)

Come sit down.

(LUKE sits far away)

No, over here where I can see you.

(He sits by her and she moves closer)

 

LUKE

So what do you want to know?

 

POKE

Little things. Things people can't always see. I want to see what's under that cool exterior. I want to know your secrets, your desires...

 

LUKE

I've always wanted to go parachuting.

 

POKE

Would you like to know what I want?

 

LUKE

(Jumps up)

Yes, and why don't you tell me over dinner. I am so hungry. I didn't have anything to eat today. I know this great place down the street. Lots of people go there. It's always crowded, full of people. Lots of action. Lots of fun. Great place to get to know someone.

 

POKE

(pulls him down)

I hate crowds.

 

LUKE

Mrs. Poke?

 

POKE

Yes?

 

LUKE

Is this a little more than a business meeting? Because if it is...

 

POKE

It is... much more...

 

LUKE

Much more?

 

POKE

Much, much more.

 

LUKE

(Gets up)

Would you like something to drink?

 

POKE

I would, thank you.

 

LUKE

Coke, Sprite...

 

POKE

Something a bit stronger...

 

LUKE

Mountain Dew?

 

POKE

Something with a little alcohol would be nice.

 

LUKE

Sorry. Fresh out. One of the kids drank it all.

 

POKE

I hope that�s a joke.

 

LUKE

Of course. You know me. Always playing around.

 

                                                            POKE

I like playing around too.

(POKE tries to get close to him)

You're so tense tonight though. A drink would loosen you up.

 

LUKE

                        (Nervous)

It's not good to keep alcohol at a school, you know.

 

POKE

See. I knew you were a smart man.

                        (Touches him)

A man I can trust to do everything that is expected of him.

 

LUKE

(grabs a bowl and puts it between them)

Nuts.

 

POKE

I'd love some.

(She lustily bites into one)

 

LUKE

(He eats too. Laughs nervously)

Good nuts.

 

POKE

Very good nuts.

 

LUKE

(Gets away)

Boy, am I thirsty now. I guess I should have bought unsalted. Maybe I should run down to the store and get us something to drink. Or we could go together. A walk outside would be nice.

 

POKE

Whatever you have here is fine.

 

LUKE

I'll go get us something from the kitchen then.

 

POKE

Don't be long. I'll be waiting.

 

LUKE

                        (To self)

Oh, man...

 

POKE

(Goes to stereo. Adjusts volume and changes the station. Finds some romantic music)

There.

(Removes the jacket part of her outfit so it becomes even more revealing. She dances around)

 

LUKE

(Comes out)

Here's your...oh, man.

 

POKE

(Goes to him and grabs him)

Dance with me.

(They do a strange dance where she pulls him close and he keeps pulling away. After dance they end up in a suggestive position on the sofa)

Now wasn't that fun? Tell me, Luke, now that we're all alone here, tell me what you're thinking.

 

LUKE

I've got to go to the bathroom.

(Gets up)

 

POKE

I'm starting to think you're trying to avoid me. Playing hard to get?

 

LUKE

Well...

 

POKE

Don't you find me attractive?

 

LUKE

Uh....

 

POKE

I find you very attractive.

 

LUKE

Oh...

 

POKE

From the first moment I saw you I knew you were the one...

 

LUKE

The one?

 

POKE

The one I wanted.

 

LUKE

Wanted?

 

POKE

The one who would hold me with his strong arms. The one who would look into my eyes and tell me how much he needs me.

(Looks into his eyes)

Tell me you need me.

 

LUKE

(Speaking very nervously)

I need you.

 

POKE

(Pulls him down and puts his head to her chest)

Yes, you do, my darling. You would be nothing without me.

(Lifts his head and looks in his eyes threateningly)

Nothing.

 

LUKE

Nothing?

 

POKE

You can be sure of that.

(She puts his head to her chest again)

 

LUKE

Mrs. Poke?

 

POKE

Yes?

 

LUKE

This isn't right.

 

POKE

(Let's go of him)

What?

(Angry)

What do you mean?

 

LUKE

We're working together. We shouldn't mix business with pleasure.

 

POKE

We shouldn't?

 

LUKE

No. If we did, people might talk.

 

POKE

(Stokes his chest with her finger)

Let them talk.

 

LUKE

They'd wonder about our motives for starting the school. They'd question the funding and why I'm getting it.

 

POKE

Why are you getting it?

 

LUKE

Because you want to help educate the youth of our nation.

(She shakes her head no)

Oh, dear. You mean the only reason you gave me the money was because you were interested in me?

 

POKE

You are one smart man.

 

LUKE

Have you thought this through? If people find out, it could ruin the school.

 

POKE

There will always be students. I have a lot of relatives and traditional schooling isn't a very good fit for them anyway.

 

LUKE

A school full of Pokes? What a joy.

 

POKE

And there's one Poke who needs some special attention tonight.

 

LUKE

Aren't we rushing things a bit?

 

POKE

Yes. That's the way I like things.

 

LUKE

But we really don't even know each other.

 

POKE

Hold still and I'll find out everything I need to know about you.

 

LUKE

I mean, don't you want to know things like my favorite color or the kinds of books I read?

 

POKE

No.

 

LUKE

You don't even know whether or not I have some kind of strange disease.

 

POKE

Do you?

 

LUKE

Well, no...

 

                                                            POKE

                        (Backs off a little)

Please tell me you're not gay.

                        (LUKE thinks)

You're gay?

 

                                                            LUKE

                        (Sighs)

I was just trying to think through the implications of my answer. I've settled on no.

 

POKE

Now I know all about you.

(She goes in for the attack and he holds up a bowl of candy in her way)

 

LUKE

Candy?

 

POKE

Thank you.

 

LUKE

Tell me something about yourself.

 

POKE

There's nothing to tell.

 

LUKE

There must be lots of things. You probably could take all night telling me about yourself.

 

POKE

I have never known a man to want to talk so much in his life. Most guys shoot first and ask questions later. If even that. Are you sure you're not gay?

 

LUKE

It's the writer in me.

 

POKE

You're a writer?

 

LUKE

Just as a hobby.

 

POKE

A writer? Hmm. You know what I'll do. I'll take something that you've written and take to my publisher friend.

 

LUKE

(Excited)

You know a publisher?

 

POKE

One of the biggies in New York.

 

LUKE

Really? And you could show him my writing?

 

POKE

He owes my husband a few favors.

 

LUKE

Wow. This is too cool. What should I send? I have so many manuscripts. I wonder what they would like to see.

(Goes to file cabinet)

 

POKE

I'd like to see a good romance myself.

(Looks over his shoulder)

 

LUKE

I think I have a romance in here. I've written a little bit of everything.

 

POKE

I love a good romance.

(Sits)

 

LUKE

Here it is.

(Excited. Sits by her, not thinking)

Wow. A real publisher.

 

POKE
Yes, they've been bugging me to write something about my husband too. Maybe you could help with that too.

 

LUKE

Sure. Anything to pay you back for showing him my work.

 

POKE

Anything?

(Leans in)

 

LUKE

                        (Starts to get up)

Boy, am I hungry.

 

POKE

(Pulls him down)

Me too.

 

LUKE

                        (Prepares himself for anything)

O� okay�

 

POKE

                        (Decides to string him along)

Maybe we should go to dinner first. Why don't you call and get us a table at Fargo's? Tell them it's for me. They'll let us in. I'll freshen up.

(She exits to bathroom)

 

LUKE

Wow...A real publisher. This is what I've been dreaming of and...

(Realizes)

Oh, man. She's got me hooked. Might as well stuff and mount me now. How could I be drawn in like that? How does she know what will get to me? The school maybe I could sacrifice. There are a lot of schools out there. But a publisher. There are so few that will even let me use their bathroom, let alone see the publisher. What am I going to do? The only reason she wanted to help was so she could get me in bed. I feel so cheap. After dinner she'll want to come back here and... There must be some way to tell her I'm not interested. But then... I'd lose the school. I'd lose my chance at getting my book published and... I must be crazy. Why can't I just do it? Why can't I just give in to her? She's attractive for her age. She has a lot of money. She knows all the right people.

                        (Sighs)

And she's as old as my mother. Now think, Luke. Weigh the pros and cons. Pros to... getting involved with Mrs. Poke. She's rich. She attractive. She could get me published. I'll never have to work hard again. Cons. She's old.

(Pause)

She's too old. And who's to say she won't toss me aside when she's done with me. What happens when I stop being interesting to her? Am I just the flavor of the month or is she in for the long haul? Maybe that isn't such a bad thing. Maybe we'd both get something out of this and then we'll both be on our way. This could be a win-win situation. I'd get my school off the ground and get published and she'd get...

(deflates)

Maybe I better rethink this.

 

POKE

I'm back.

 

LUKE

Oh, good.

 

POKE

(Fixes his tie)

Oh, you're looking so fine tonight. Too bad we have reservations now.

 

LUKE

I didn't call yet...

 

POKE

Really?

(pursues)

 

LUKE

(realizes mistake)

I meant to... In fact, I'll call right this very second... I was just looking for the phone book.

 

POKE

(Grabs phone book before he can)

Let's not call anyone then. Let's stay here and... play school.

(Tosses phone book aside. She gets real close)

You can be my naughty student.

(End up behind couch)

Do you need to be punished little boy?

(She pulls him down behind couch)

 

PEG

(Enters with PLUM)

Are you sure you left the hockey tickets here?

 

PLUM

We looked everywhere else.

 

PEG

I hope you didn't flush them down the toilet with everything else.

 

LUKE

(Gets up. POKE gets up and clings to him)

Hi, Peg!

(Gets away from POKE)

Look who's joining us for dinner. My sister, Peg.

 

PEG

I'm not joining you for dinner.

(LUKE hits her)

 

LUKE

Yes, you are.

 

PEG

(Hits back)

No, we're not. We just came for the hockey tickets. So what were you guys doing on the floor?

 

LUKE

The floor? Well....

(looks at POKE who smiles wickedly)

We...uh... lost an earring... her earring... I don't wear earrings.

 

PEG

At least not anywhere people can see.

(POKE smiles even more and looks LUKE up and down)

Hey, she has both her earrings in.

 

LUKE

She lost a contact too.

 

PEG

Boy, rough night.

 

POKE

Not yet.

(LUKE looks pale)

 

LUKE

Why don't you two sit down? I'll get you something to drink.

 

PEG

No, we need to get going.

 

LUKE

Come on, stay and talk awhile.

 

PLUM

No time. The game starts in a minute or two. I'll check the bathroom for the tickets.

(Exits)

 

PEG

Hurry.

 

POKE

Yes. You wouldn't want to be late.

 

LUKE

Maybe we should go with you.

 

POKE

To a hockey game?

 

LUKE

I love hockey.

 

PEG

You do?

 

LUKE

Sure. I go all the time. Go Rockies!

 

PEG

That's baseball.

 

LUKE

Oh.

 

PEG

I thought you and Mrs. Poke had other plans.

 

LUKE

Oh, no...

 

POKE

Oh, yes...

 

LUKE

Oh, no.

 

PLUM

I found the tickets!

(Gives tickets to PEG)

You hold them so I don't lose them.

 

PEG

Good-bye.

 

LUKE

Peg, wait...

 

PLUM

We gotta go.

 

PEG

Go start the car. I'll be right there.

(PLUM exits)

 

POKE

I'll tell you what, Lucas. How about I go down and have my chauffer get us something from that little Chinese place on the corner. Maybe even I'll try to track us down something to drink. Something that will get you to relax.

(She exits)

 

PEG

Lucas? No one calls you Lucas.

 

LUKE

Please, Peg. Don't leave me alone with her.

 

PEG

I see you two are getting along pretty well.

 

LUKE

She's all over me. I don't know what to do.

 

PEG

Tell her no.

 

LUKE

But I'll lose the school. She made that pretty clear.

 

PEG

Then let her have her way.

 

LUKE

I can't seem to do that either.

 

PEG

You're stuck, bro. I don't know what to tell you.

                                    (Smiles)

You've got to admire her though.

 

LUKE

What?

 

PEG

Men have been doing this to women for years. Look at Hollywood. Haven't you heard of the casting couch? Now the tables have been turned. Women are in position to do it to men. It doesn't feel so good, does it?

 

LUKE

No.

 

PEG

I'm having trouble feeling too sorry for you.

 

LUKE

Thanks a lot. When did I ever do this anyone else? I don't deserve this.

 

PEG

What about that time in high school?

 

LUKE

What time?

 

PEG

Remember that girl, Jamie?

 

LUKE
Jamie? Jamie who?

 

PEG

Poor girl. You don�t even remember her.

 

LUKE

Come on, Peg. Get to the point.

 

PEG
You know, Jamie, your prom date.

 

LUKE

Oh, that girl.

 

PEG
She went with you to the prom and did who knows what with you after because she wanted to get a job with our parents for the summer at water park.

 

LUKE
That's why she went out with me?

 

PEG
Don't play the victim. I know you used her. You dangled that over her so she'd go out with you.

 

LUKE

I did not.

                        (Sad)

I thought maybe she actually liked me. And she didn't go with me after the prom. She went with Jack and his gang.

 

PEG

The football team?

 

LUKE

They had some kind of after prom party. I wasn't invited. She dumped me for the football team.

 

PEG
Somehow you just became the victim again. So much for making you the bad guy.

 

LUKE

So you feel sorry for me yet.

 

PEG

No, you're still a man.

 

LUKE

You're no help, you know that?

 

PEG

I wish more men could be put in your situation. Everyone should know how it feels.

 

LUKE

Okay, okay. I got the point. Men bad. Women get revenge. Fine, lesson learned. Now how do I get out of this?

 

PEG

It depends. Do you make her happy or mad?

 

LUKE

Either way I lose.

 

PEG

Then you have to decide which way do you lose the least?

 

LUKE

You lost anything with your new boss yet?

 

PEG

He's been a perfect gentleman.

 

PLUM

(enters)

Hey, you mind if I take a leak before we go.

 

PEG

Fine with me.

 

PLUM

Thanks.

(Exits to bathroom)

 

LUKE
Yeah, he's a winner alright. Clark Gable and Homer Simpson all wrapped up into one.

 

PEG

At least he isn't asking for any special favors.

 

LUKE

The night is still young.

 

PEG

And you've got a big head start.

 

LUKE

Please, Peg. Tell me what to do.

 

PEG

This is unusual. Usually you're always telling me what to do.

 

LUKE

Now here's your chance to tell me.

 

PEG

I think it's more fun to watch you suffer.

 

LUKE

Peg, please...

 

PEG

There is one way...

 

LUKE

(Desperate)

What? What is it?

 

PEG

I'd tell you but....

 

LUKE

Peg!

 

PEG

You have to promise you will never make fun of me again.

 

LUKE

Oh.

 

PEG

Then it's a deal?

 

LUKE

I'm thinking.

 

PEG

Never mind.

 

LUKE

No, wait. I was just joking. I need to get it out of my system. Sorry.

 

PEG

Deal?

(Holds out hand)

 

LUKE

(Shakes)

Deal. Now what is it?

 

PEG

The answer is simple really.

 

LUKE

Yes?

 

PEG

All you have to do is...

                        (Stuffs some food in her mouth)

 

LUKE

Peg. Tell me!

 

PEG

                        (Talking with her mouth full)

You need to do something to turn her off.

 

LUKE

What?

 

PEG

You do something that makes you less attractive to her.

 

LUKE

That's all I have to do?

 

PEG

That's it. That's all. That simple.

 

LUKE

But what can I do?

 

PEG

I don't know.

 

LUKE

Come on, Peg. That's like showing a starving man food and not letting him eat.

 

PEG

Let's see. A change of clothes. A change of attitude. Maybe if we put you in a dress.

 

LUKE

No. No dresses.

 

PEG

You're making this difficult Luke.

 

LUKE

I want her to find me unattractive. I don't want her to put me in an insane asylum.

 

PLUM

(Comes from bathroom)

Ready?

 

PEG

No, not yet. My brother is having a crisis.

 

PLUM

That's okay. The game already started. I was listening on the radio in the bathroom and our team is already down two goals.

 

PEG

Two goals?

 

PLUM

It doesn't look good.

 

PEG

Well, brother dear. Ready for a major makeover.

 

LUKE

Anything to get her off my back.

 

PEG

Walk this way.

(Leads him in a silly walk to his bedroom L)

 

PLUM

(Sees book on table)

Math for kids.

(Picks up a school book and opens it)

Billy rode his bike to the top of a mountain. The mountain is at 7,000 feet. He skis down 2,300 feet and hikes up 1,800 feet. If he started at 4:00 and rested at 7:00, what time did he eat dinner?

(Thinks)

I'll bet that's a trick question. I wonder if they got the answers in the back.

 

POKE

(Enters)

Lucas. I'm back. My driver knows about this great little hideaway across town. Very romantic. The limo is ready and willing...

 

PLUM

Hi.

 

POKE

Oh. You're not Lucas.

 

PLUM

Too bad for me.

 

POKE

(Smiles)

Oh, really?

 

PLUM

Man, you look good. Luke sure knows how to pick a chic. You two must have big plans tonight.

 

POKE

We did but...

 

PLUM

Things not working out?

 

POKE

Not really...

 

PLUM

I know what you mean. Peg seems more interested in talking to her brother than hanging with me. Man, that girl can talk. Yak, yak, yak.

 

POKE

Sounds familiar.

 

PLUM

Talk, talk, talk. That's all we've done.

 

POKE

I guess it runs in the family. That's all we've been doing as well.

 

PLUM

Boy, I'll tell you. If I was out with a pretty lady like you, we'd sure be doing more than talking.

 

POKE

Really?

 

PLUM

But, hey, I shouldn�t be talking like that. We're both out with other people.

 

POKE

No. Lucas and I have a purely a professional relationship. I don't mix business and pleasure.

(Moves in)

 

PLUM

Then you ain't got plans tonight?

 

POKE

I ain't got no plans.

 

PLUM

It's looking like I ain't got none either.

 

POKE

(Flirts shamelessly)

Why don't we go somewhere?

 

PLUM

Just you and me?

 

POKE

Just you and me. I'm very interesting in finding out so much more about you.

 

PLUM

(Getting turned on)

Okay.

 

POKE

Hungry?

 

PLUM

Boy, am I.

 

POKE

You like Chinese?

 

PLUM

Does a toilet flush?

 

POKE

                        (Laughs)

You are a funny man.

 

PLUM

Wait. I better tell Peg that I'm going.

 

POKE

(Points to pad)

Just write her a note.

 

PLUM

Sure.

(Writes note quickly)

 

POKE

(Leans on him as he writes)

That'll do. Let's go. My limo is waiting.

 

PLUM

This is so cool. I've never been in a limo.

 

POKE

Stick with me. We'll do lots of things you've never done before.

(They exit)

 

LUKE

(Come out looking like a total goof ball)

Hey-ya, baby. Let's polka.

(Does a silly polka dance)

 

PEG

Uh, Luke.

(Grabs him)

Luke.

 

LUKE

What?

 

PEG

She's gone.

 

LUKE

Where'd she go?

 

PEG

Did she see you and run?

 

LUKE

I don't think so.

 

PEG

I know I would have. Look at you.

(Laughs)

 

LUKE

Wait. Where's Paul?

 

PEG

Huh? Oh.

(Calls out)

Paul? Paul?! I check the john.

(Heads for bathroom)

 

LUKE

Hey, here�s a note from him.

 

PEG:

(Grabs it)

Let me see that.

(Reads)

"Peg. Had to go. Something came up. Paul."

 

LUKE

Oh, Peg. I'm sorry. Now I've ruined your evening too.

 

PEG

You know. I think it's for the best. All he talked about over dinner was plumbing. It's hard to eat when you're getting a blow by blow description of unclogging a toilet.

 

LUKE

Ew.

 

PEG

And no more Mrs. Poke. I wonder what she'll do with the school.

 

LUKE

I'll give you one guess. I guess I better start packing.

 

PEG

You think she'll cut you off?

 

LUKE

I know she will.

(Upset)

and my book deal. So much for getting my novel published.

 

PEG

You don't like handouts anyway.

 

LUKE

I don't?

 

PEG

No, you don't.

 

LUKE

Good-bye Peter Poke Academy. Hello Peter Poke Plumbing.

 

PEG

Ah, to be rich enough to buy any man you want.

 

LUKE

You'll never be rich without a job.

 

PEG

Didn't you know? I'm going to win the lottery.

 

LUKE

I'm glad to see you have a realistic goal for your life.

 

PEG

Hey, I thought you weren't going to tease me any more.

 

LUKE

Sorry.

 

PEG

I'll bet you are.

 

LUKE

It slipped out.

 

PEG

I better go before anything else slips out like my fist into your face.

                        (Pretends like she's going to hit his face and hits him in the arm)

 

LUKE

How come you can always hit me and I can never hit you?

 

PEG

Because I'm girl. Boys don't hit girls.

 

LUKE

But girls can hit boys?

 

PEG

Isn't it great?

 

LUKE

For you maybe. That's gonna bruise.

 

PEG

I guess I better get going home.

 

LUKE

See you in the unemployment line.

 

 

END OF PLAY