Screamy Youie Kicky Booty by D. M. Larson
Samurai Sam is an Asian warrior type of guy. Power Puff
Pam is as well... but not a guy. She sneaks in, ninja like and disappears
behind Sam. She pops up over his shoulder.
I smell trouble, Samurai Sam.
She disappears behind him again.
I would recognize that stink anywhere. That is none other than... TransIgwanIdon.
TransIgwanIdon enters. It is a robot/lizard Power
Ranger kind of thing.
I will crush you!
Sam flies in to action and does several karate moves.
He chops at TransIgwanIdon. It laughs.
You are weak, Sam.
Your sword, Sam! Nothing can stop you and your sword.
Uh... it's in the shop.
But how can you stop the scourge of Albuquerque with nothing but the robe on your back?
MONSTER crushes Sam with fierce Japanese style monster
sounds. Sam is motionless on the floor. Monster does evil laugh as
it raises it's foot for the final blow.
Hold it right there you mechanical menace.
Monster attacks Pam.
I call on the powers of my ancestors... Screamy (pow) Youie (thwack) Kicky (bam) Booty!
MONSTERS charges and hits her open palm. It hits,
stops, pauses and falls. Pam rushes to Sam.
Sam, Sam. Speak to me.
You saved Albuquerque, Pam, but for me, you are too late.
Sam dies dramatically. Pam starts to cry. Sam
wakes a moment and struggles for life. Then he dies again.
Curse you TransIgwanIdon! Curse you!
END OF SCENE
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D. M. Larson
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"GUARDIANS OF THE WALLET" by D. M. Larson
An ambulance is coming for you now. And the policy will cover that ride so you're in luck.
(Ralph waves good-bye and watches person go)
He's lucky. Most people wait until it's too late. Last minute is always better than never. Sometimes I think I should set up my office in the lobby of the hospital emergency room. I could probably sign up half the room as they are waiting... what else are they going to do while they wait for help? Come on. What's the number one thing on their minds? They worry about how they'll pay for the hospital. That's where I come in. I kind of see myself as a hero... swooping in to save the day... can't pay your medical bill? Let me do it for you. I know no one sees an insurance salesman as a hero but we really are. You know how much that heart attack would have cost him without me? You know how much a car accident would cost without insurance? We're not the bad guys... we're your knight in shining armor, protecting you from going bankrupt. We are the guardians of the wallet. Don't let them suck you dry. Insurance will protect you... save you... rescue you... and that's what I wanted to always do with my life. Be a hero.
END OF MONOLOGUE