SNOW WHITE AND THE 7 KACHUS

SCENE 1

Snow White skips in with a basket full of goodies to a village.

NARRATOR

Once upon a time, there was a pretty girl named Shiela who had skin as pure white as a morning snow.  People swear it sparkled in the sunlight like a cool winter sunrise.

Snow White gives the narrator an annoyed and embarrassed look.

SNOW WHITE

Get on with the story.

NARRATOR

Sorry... because of the winter whiteness of her skin, everyone called her Snow White.  Snow White was also famous for her amazing cupcakes.  She baked them better than anyone in the kingdom.  Everyone loved them.

People rush in and crowd around her.  They leave and all the cupcakes are gone.  Her basket now is filled with gold.

SNOW WHITE

Time to bake some more cupcakes.

Snow White skips off happily with her basket full of money.

NARRATOR

But not everyone liked Snow White's cupcakes.  There was an evil queen who hated cupcakes.

Evil queen enters.

QUEEN

I hate cupcakes.

NARRATOR

How can anyone hate cupcakes?

QUEEN

They give me tummy aches.

NARRATOR

Oh... so sorry.

QUEEN

Do not pity me!  Off with his head!

Soldiers rush in and grab narrator.

Narrator

Hey! Wait! You can't do this... I'm the narrator!

QUEEN

I can do anything I wish.  I'm the queen.  And now to deal with Snow White and her cupcakes.  I put on a disguise and give her this deep fried apple churro in exchange for one of her cupcakes.

Queen snaps her fingers and a solider rushes in. 

SOLDIER

At your service! Reporting for duty! Your wish is my command!

QUEEN

Take this message to Snow White.

SOLDIER

The pretty cupcake lady?

SNOW WHITE (OFF)

Stop saying that!

QUEEN

Yes... someone needs a special delivery.

Queen does an evil laugh and leaves.  Soldier watches her go and turns and Snow White enters.

SOLDIER

That was easy.  Yo!  Snow!  Got a message for you.

SNOW WHITE

Oh! Thank you. Special delivery to the dark and spooky woods.

SOLDIER

I wonder why they called them the dark and spooky woods?   They're actually quite pretty in the spring.

SNOW WHITE

It's kind of like the whole Iceland and Greenland thing.  Iceland is quite pretty and Greenland is quite cold.

SOLDIER

I have no idea what you're talking about.

SNOW WHITE

Go sit down before you hurt yourself.

SOLDIER

Yes, ma'am!

Soldier salutes with his sword hand and whacks himself in the face.  He stumbled off.

SNOW WHITE

Well, it's off to the dark and spooky woods.

Snow white skips along and the village background changes to a forest.  She stops when she hears some ruffling in the leaves.

SNOW WHITE (CONT.)

Hello?  Who's there?

FLIT (OFF)

Mi mi mi.

SNOW WHITE

Come on out... it's okay.  I won't hurt you.

Flit, a cute Kachu(small kid in fat bird costume) comes out shyly.

SNOW WHITE (CONT.)

Hi, there cutie.  Don't be shy.  Do you like cupcakes?

FLIT

Mi! Mi! Mi!

She holds out a cupcake and Flit rushes over and eats it.  After Flit finishes the cupcake, he sits down happily.

FLIT

Chubo.

SNOW WHITE

You sure were hungry.  Are you lost little guy?

Flit shakes his head no and points his little wing to the forest.  Suddenly more Kachus are heard.

KACHUS

Mi, mi, mi.

SNOW WHITE

Oh, my goonie.  There's more.  Do you all like cupcakes too?

KACHUS

Mi! Mi! Mi!

All the Kachus rush out.  They are Flap, Flop, Flirt, Fifi, Foofoo and Fart.  They surround Snow White and she gives out cupcakes which they all eat quickly.

KACHUS

Chubo!

And Fart lets out a little toot.

SNOW WHITE

You all are so CUTE!  I'm going to have a cute overload.  I just want to pick you all up and give you a squeeze.

FLIRT

Mi, mi, miii.

Flirt goes over to her happily and Snow White gives him a hug.

SNOW WHITE

Thank you.

Foofoo goes over to her basket and tries to get another cupcake.

Foofoo

Mi, mi, mi.

SNOW WHITE

Sorry... only one left and that's for a special delivery.  Anyone know where I can find Apple Blossom Cottage.

All the Kachus squeek in fear and all hide in a pile together except for Flop who has fallen asleep.

SNOW WHITE (CONT.)

What's wrong with Apple Blossom Cottage?

All the Kachus squeek again and run to the other side of the stage and get in a pile.  Flop rolls over and snores.

SNOW WHITE (CONT.)

Is it a scary place?

Fifi comes out and does an evil laugh and makes a scary face.  Fart lets out a scared toot.

SNOW WHITE (CONT.)

There's a scary person there eh?  Hmmm... very strange.  Why would a scary person want one of my cupcakes?  Well, I guess I should go and find out.

All the Kachus run to her and surround her so she can't walk.

SNOW WHITE (CONT.)

But it looks like you won't let me go.

Then an old lady (Queen in disguise) enters.  She is in rags with a wig and cloak.  She walks slowly with a cane.  She speaks like an old lady.

OLD LADY

It's okay, deary.  I will come to you.

The Kachus all rush behind Snow White afraid.

SNOW WHITE

Are you the one who ordered a cupcake?

OLD LADY

I did. I have heard how wonderful your cupcakes and it is my dying wish to try one.

SNOW WHITE

You're dying?  How sad.

OLD LADY

Well, eveyone dies sometime.  I have no clue when but I'm not getting any younger.  Let's say eating one of your cupcakes is on my bucket list.

SNOW WHITE

Here you go.

Kachus all shiver scared as the old lady gets closer.

OLD LADY

Thank you, my dearie.  But sadly I have no money.  Would you consider taking a deep fried apple churro for payment?

Old lady holds out an apple churro. Kachus all make scare sounds. Flap flaps her wings frantically and Foofoo pulls on Snow White's dress. Fart lets out a nervous toot. 

SNOW WHITE

Sure, here is your cupcake.

OLD LADY

And here is your deep fried apple churro.

SNOW WHITE

Um... okay... Thank you.

OLD LADY

No, thank you.

Old lady cackles and it turns in the Queen's evil laugh as she leaves.

SNOW WHITE

See everyone. That wasn't so bad.  And this deep fried apple churro looks... interesting.  I guess I should take a little bit... I don't want to be rude.

Snow White does a bite in slow motion.  Kachus all cry out and try to stop her in slow motion.

Kachus

Miiiiiiiii!

Snow White passes out after taking a bite and falls in to a deep sleep.  Queen's evil laugh is heard. Kachus all run off scared except for Flop who sleepily gets up, walks over to Snow White and flops down next to her, cuddles and snores.

Queen enters and removes her disguise.  Soldiers follow with her crown and she puts it on.

SOLDIER

What happened to her?

QUEEN

Poor girl. Those evil little birds in the forest tricked her in to eating a poison apple churro.

Narrator runs in.

NARRATOR

That's a lie!

QUEEN

What's he doing here?

Soldier

He escaped, my Queen.

Queen

Get him or you'll end up there instead.

Soldiers chase narrator.  Queen is alone with Snow White and Flop.

Queen

This is the perfect plan.  I will kill two birds with stone... or rather eight.  I get rid of Snow White and her perfect cupcakes as well as all you annoying birds who care for this forest.  Once the Kachus are gone, the forest will die and become the dark and spooky forest that I named it.

Queen does evil laugh and leaves.  After awhile, the Kachus slowly start returning to check on Snow White.

Kachus

Mi, mi, mi.

Sad music plays as the Kachus gather twigs and blankets and pillows and build a nest around Snow White.

The soldiers return with the narrator as their captive.

NARRTOR

And the seven little Kachus all gathered around Snow White to do what they could do to keep Snow White comfortable. They wanted to help and did it in the only way they knew how... by building a nest.

SOLDIER BILL

How sad is that?

SOLDIER TED

Those little birds don't look like they hurt her to they?

SOLDIER BILL

Somehow something doesn't seem right here.

SOLDIER TED

Do you ever wonder if we're on the wrong side? 

SOLDIER BILL

Like we're doing bad things instead of good.

SOLDIER BILL goes up a little closer to Snow White and SOLDIER TED follows. Narrator sneaks off while they are distracted. 

SOLDIER TED

Exactly... I mean I am trying to do a good thing by following orders, but what if the orders are bad.  Am I good because I followed orders or am I bad because I followed bad orders?

SOLDIER BILL

Look here... deep fried apple churro. Doesn't that old lady from Apple Blossom Orchard make these?

SOLDIER TED

That's right!  Maybe she is behind all this?!

SOLDIER BILL

We must tell the Queen!

SOLDIER TED

Thank goodness.  I was starting to wonder if the Queen did this.

SOLDIER BILL

Shush your mouth!

SOLDIER TED

Sorry.

SOLDIER BILL

Where is the narrator?

SOLDIER TED

Ah! He escaped!

SOLDIER

After him!

Soldiers run off.  The narrator sneaks back in from the opposite direction.

NARRATOR

Suddenly, one of the Kachus named Flap started flapping his little wings.  He had an idea.

Flap flaps his wings and gets the other's attention.

FLAP

Mi, mi, mi!

OTHER KACHUS

Mi, mi, mi?

NARRATOR

He said he wanted to go get help.  Perhaps there was a doctor or some sort of Prince wondering the woods who could help.  There was always a Prince or two wondering around looking for adventures and damsels in distress to save.  These were the days before video games and tv and young men had to find something to fill their time.

FLAP

Mi, mi, mi!

FLIT

Chubo.

NARRATOR

So Flit and Flap decided to go in search of help.

Flit and Flap walk off.  Other Kachus wave and lights fade to black.

---

SCENE 2

Lights come up on part of the stage with the part with Snow White in darkness.  Or if lighting is not available, Snow White could be covered with pillows and blankets and sleeping Kachus.  A prince by the name of Douglas enters.  He is very Scottish and wears a kilt.

DOUGLAS

Aye... I be wanderin' 'round these 'ere woods fer days.  I need to find a place to rest me bahooky.

Flip and Flap enter behind him and are excited to see Douglas.

Flip

Mi, mi, mi!

Flap flaps his wings excited.

FLAP

Chubo!

Douglas turns to the birds.

DOUGLAS

Hey, there wee birdies.  You know of a good place to rest meself?  I was a right big dunderhead and got meself lost in these here woods.  See, I was sailing the seas on me boat and this big storm came out of nowheres and sent me clear across the world to this foul place.

FLIP

Mi!

Flip is angry at his at his woods being called foul.

DOUGLAS

Keep ye head!  Calm yerself. Sorry there wee one.  I didn't mean to speak bad of yer home.

FLAP

Mi, mi, mi.

Flap grabs Douglas and pulls him toward Snow White.

DOUGLAS

You want me to come with ya, wee birdie?  Am pure done.  Hope it ain't far. 

Lights come up on Snow White. The other five Kachus have all been snuggling with her and get up when they see the Prince.

FLIP

Mi, mi, mi!

OTHER KACHUS

Chubo!

DOUGLAS

What we got here?

Douglas goes up to nest and jumps back when he sees Snow White is in it.

DOUGLAS (CONT.)

That a woman in yer nest?  Or me head is mince and I be seeing strange.

FLAP

Mi, mi, mi.

Flap pushes Douglas up to Snow White.

DOUGLAS

A pretty face suits the dish cloth.  She's right bonnie hen. Well, wee ones.  I not be sure what this is all about.

Foofoo gets an idea and runs off.  She returns with the Narrator.

Narrator

I'm not allowed to talk to the characters.  Only the audience can hear me.

DOUGLAS

I got ears, man.  What be happenin' here?

NARRATOR

This is Snow White.  She has fallen victim to a terrible curse by a wicked Queen who rules this land.

DOUGLAS

Curse?  How do we help her?

NARRATOR

Well... it's quite simple... you...

SOLDIER (OFF)

There he is!  Get him!

SOLDIER BILL rushes in and narrator runs off.  SOLDIER TED stops when he sees Douglas.

SOLDIER TED

Hey, who are you?

DOUGLAS

I be Prince Douglas of Scotland.

SOLDIER TED

Why are you wearing a dress?

DOUGLAS

It's a kilt, eejit. 

SOLDIER TED

Looks like a dress to me.

Douglas grabs the soldier who squeaks.  Soldier tries to swing his sword but Douglas easily knocks it away with his free hand.

DOUGLAS

What you say?

SOLDIER TED

Nice kilt?

DOUGLAS

Better.

Douglas puts soldier down. 

DOUGLAS (CONT.)

You tell that Queen of yourself I want to see her about this bonnie one over here. 

SOLDIER TED

It wasn't the Queen... at least I don't think it was.  It was the old lady from Apple Blossom Orchard who did this.

Kachus object.

KACHUS

Mi, mi, mi!

DOUGLAS

The wee birdies don't agree, eejit.

SOLDIER TED

You'd believe them over me?

DOUGLAS

Ay, I do.

SOLDIER TED

Honestly, I have no clue what is really going on.  I was just following orders.

DOUGLAS

And are these good orders or bad ones?

SOLDIER TED

I don't know.

Soldier cries and Fifi and Foofoo go up and hug him.

Fifi

Mi, mi, mi.

SOLDIER TED

These birdies are so nice. They don't seem as bad as the Queen says they are.

DOUGLAS

It's good to think fer yerself rather than let others think fer ya.

SOLDIER TED

So how can I help?

DOUGLAS

We have to rescue that story guy and find out how to end the curse upon the poor bonnie one.

SOLDIER TED

I can do that, sir!

DOUGLAS

Braw one you be.  Off with you then.  I'll deal with the Queen.

Soldier Ted salutes Douglas and runs off.  Douglas goes to Fart. 

DOUGLAS (CONT.)

Keep an eye on that one for me, will ya wee one?

Fart

Chubo!

Fart salutes and toots and exits.  Douglas goes over to Snow White's side.

DOUGLAS

Ye are the most lovely thing I've seen.  Makes me glad I traveled half across the world to find you.  Ye be a fine reward for this tired eyes.

Flirt looks jealous. Fifi pushes him away.  Suddenly the narrator runs in.  He is out of breath.  Fart runs in behind him and toots when he stops.

NARRATOR

I... I...

Douglas runs over to him.

DOUGLAS

Ay?

NARRATOR

...escaped.

DOUGLAS

Ay, now how do we save the lady?

NARRATOR

You... need...

DOUGLAS

Ay?

NARRATOR

To...

DOUGLAS

Ay?!

NARRATOR

To...

DOUGLAS

Ay! Say it!

Narrator

Kiss her.

DOUGLAS

Ay?  That's it?

NARRATOR

A kiss.

DOUGLAS

Well, uh... I usually don't kiss ladies I don't know.  That's a good way to get a big slap across me face.

KACHUS

Mi! Mi! Mi!

They push the Prince toward Snow White except for Flirt who is updates, turned away, pouting.

DOUGLAS

Ay! I be going.

Douglas goes nervously up to Snow White.

Douglas (CONT.)

Well, I feel a bit funny kissin' ya without knowin' ya' so I thought I'd introduce meself.  I'z Prince Douglas of Scotland.  I journey a long way to find ya... and when I saw ya', I knew you'z what I been lookin' fer.  Even though we've never spoken, there is this feeling I git when I sees ya'.  This wonderful feeling inside... inside my heart.  A feeling I never felt fer no other lady before. 

The Kachus all coo happily except for Flirt who sticks his tongue out at Douglas.

DOUGLAS (CONT.)

And normally I wouldn't kiss ya' like this... not havin' spoken to ya' but I have a feelin' you won't mind to much, this being a curse and all. So here goes bonnie lady... a first kiss that I hope won't be my last.

Just as Douglas is about to kiss Snow White, the Queen rushes in with her soldiers.

QUEEN

Stop!

Douglas stands and faces the Queen.

QUEEN (CONT.)

Sieze him!

The soldiers rush at Douglas.  A fun battle scene with Kachus and Douglas vs. the soldiers can be done here or you can have Douglas quickly disarm the soldiers.  In the end, either way, Douglas wins.

QUEEN (CONT.)

Fools! Must I do everything myself.

DOUGLAS

You can't outfight me, Queenie.  I'm the best.

QUEEN

I don't plan to find... I plan to play... I propose a contest.  The winner gets Snow White.

DOUGLAS

I refuse to bargin with a lady's life.

QUEEN

But if you win, I promise to never bother her again. Without this, I merely need to wait until you return to your home, then I curse her again... and again... and again!

DOUGLAS

Yeah, yeah. I get the idea.

QUEEN

Do you agree?

DOUGLAS

What sort of contest?

QUEEN

How about a dance contest?

DOUGLAS

What?

QUEEN

The one who does the best dance wins.

DOUGLAS

How will we know who wins?

QUEEN

We'll let the animals of the forest and the people of the kingdom decide.

She waves her hand toward the audience.  Douglas sees them for the first time.

DOUGLAS

I didnae see ya before.  Which one of ya is people and which is animals?  Ya all look alike to me.

QUEEN

You may go first.

DOUGLAS

Well, I only dance to the music of me homeland.

Two Kachus pull out bagpipes.  They pretend to play as bagpipe music plays. 

DOUGLAS (CONT.)

Ay! There we be.

Douglas starts a dance.  Then the other five Kachus join in.  They do a fun dance and Narrator enters and holds up an "APPLAUSE" sign at the end.  Hopefully the audience does.

QUEEN

Now for my dance.

Narrator holds up a "BOO" sign.

QUEEN (CONT.)

Fetch my magic shoes.

One soldier runs off.  Another, Soldier Bill, goes up to her.

SOLDIER BILL

But my Queen, aren't the magic shoes dangerous?  You've never been able to fully control their power.

QUEEN

But they make me dance so devinely.

Soldier returns with magic shoes.  Queen puts them on and a song begins to play (something like the "Devil Went Down to Georgia" or some other bad guy song).  The Queen dances wonderfully (soldiers can join in) but then when the song stops she can't stop.

DOUGLAS

Ay! Ya done good. It be done now.  Queen?  Ya magesty?

QUEEN

I... I... can't.... stop!

Soldiers try to grab her but she flings them away with dance spins.

QUEEN (CONT.)

Somebody... help... me!

Queen dances off the stage.

DOUGLAS

Watch out fer the...

Queen screams.

DOUGLAS (CONT.)

Cliff.

SOLDIER TED

Ding dong the Queen is gone!

KACHUS

Chubo!

NARRATOR

Long live Prince Douglas.

All cheer.  Kachus push Douglas toward Snow White.

DOUGLAS

Now how about that kiss, bonnie lady?

Douglas goes and kisses Snow White.  She wakes up and narrator holds up "APPLAUSE" sign. 

KACHUS

Mi, mi, mi.

SNOW WHITE

I had the strangest dream... and you were there and you were there... and you....

She looks at Douglas.

DOUGLAS (CONT.)

Hullo, bonnie lady.  I am Prince Douglas of Scotland.

SNOW WHITE

And I am Snow White... of the cupcakes.

DOUGLAS

I hope you didnae mind the kiss.  I had to break that curse.

SNOW WHITE

I didn't mind at all.  I kind of liked it.

Flirt gets jealous and pouts.  Snow White and Douglas hold hands and look at each other.  Kachus gather around them. 

SNOW WHITE (CONT.)

And you to you too Kachus.

Snow White gives them a hug. Fart lets out a little toot when she squeezes him.

NARRATOR

And they lived...

ALL

Happily Ever After!

Music and a dance ends the show.

END OF SCRIPT

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