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Doesn't it always seem like we're
on hold? We constantly are calling
about this or that. We are slaves
to the phone, waiting anxiously for
a human voice.
Companies try to make your
experience pleasant by playing
music. One company I called even
had its own radio station dedicated
to entertaining people on hold. My
question is, "Why not make that
person answer phones too?" There
are probably more people working on
message systems that put people on
hold than there are answering
I especially hate the ones that
make you feel like you're getting
somewhere when you actually aren't.
They come up with all these phrases
that keep you interested:
(Does a mock answering machine voice)
"Only a few moments more... ring,
ring... You have just advanced in
our waiting order. Beep. Hello (big
pause) you are the next caller. Do
not hang up. We will be with you in
a moment...after 10 more minutes...
We will be with you in a moment.
You are the next caller."
The most aggravating award goes to
the electronic maze of number
(Mock answering machine voice)
"Press one if you need customer
assistance. Press two if you need
customer information. Press three
if you need customer guidance.
Press four for more options."
You wade endlessly through this
maze of choices only to discover
you still have to wait an hour to
talk to someone.
Then there's the notorious dead
line. You wonder, "Did they hang
up? Is someone there waiting for
you to speak? Did they transfer
your call to Albania?" You wait,
unsure what to do.
When you finally get to talk to
someone, you discover it's not even
the right department. They have no
clue what you are talking about and
transfer you to someone who is
equally clueless. Also while you
were waiting they ask you to type
in your account number, zip code,
date of birth, then when you
actually talk to a human, they ask
you all over again. THEN WHY DID I
JUST TYPE THAT IN!
When talking to
a human, we know why it takes so
long. They ask you a million
useless questions, they find out
YOUR question and transfer you to
someone who goes through the same
things only to discover they have
no clue how to help you either!
Finally someone helps you and you
end up receiving a six month
subscription to Dog's Life
Magazine. At least you got
something for all your trouble, but
wasn't that supposed to be your
credit card company?
END OF SCENE
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