"School Newspaper" monologue for female from published play "The Weird, Wild and Wonderful Days of School" by D. M. Larson ISBN-13: 978-1482739626

Bula looks through the paperwork on her desk at the school newspaper office.

BULA

Now let's see. What do we have for next week's top story? Looks like we're down to two: Where is the school nurse sneaking off to during the day? Or who are the imaginary people the principal is always talking to?  Wow. Where do we ever get such good news? I'll bet no other school paper can boast about these kind of headlines.

What else we got?

Let's see what Fanny brought me.  Oh! This will do fine on the society page. Romance is a budding at the school. This week Jimmy Joe Johnson's heart is a palpitating for none other than Betty Sue Mall. Unfortunately he's feeling a bit shy and can't figure out a way to tell Betty he's got those special feelings for her. Don't you worry, though, Jimmy. She'll know all about it soon enough. Best wishes to both of you in this new found romance.

Very nice.  Now where's the school crime report?  Here we go.

Crime wave hits the halls of our school. Hide your valuables. Monte the Hall Monitor says we had a record number of incidents this week. He caught one group of kids playing with firecrackers and trying to blow up the chemistry lab.  He wrote over ten tickets for excessive farting in the gym. And he rescued some guy from a locker that his girlfriend had stuffed in him.  He must have done something pretty bad.  Girl power gone wild.  This school is out of control.

END OF MONOLOGUE

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From the published play "The Weird, Wild and Wonderful Days of School"

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