"How to be a Pirate"
or "An Orchestra of Stink"
by D. M. Larson
Now we need to teach you to be a pirate. Sly will be there to help but you need a few tips from a real pirate first.
Lesson 1... you can't be happy.
Pirates are always grumpy and if something good happens, they growl and get angry. It might look like they are excited but they're not. They're angry that it wasn't better. And they'll stay angry until all the treasures of the world are theirs. And then the anger dies down, they get grumpy again.
Lesson 2... no baths, no washing, no cleaning up, no perfume...
Nope, nada, zip. Pirate's take pride in their stench. It's like a contest or something. And it makes it easier when everyone smells bad. If you're the only one who smells good, it's rough. It's better to blend in the bad smells... it's like an orchestra of stink. If someones out of tune, it throws off the balance.
Lesson number... the next one... You have to stop being so girly. Female pirates are the roughest, toughest, leanest, meanest human beings... nay... creatures! ...to ever travel the sea. If a male steals one gold, you steal two. If a male cuts off one finger, you cut off two. Be better or be dead.
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