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CASSANDRA

Don't bring Helen inside, Paris. She will only bring doom on our city. Dooooom!  Doooooooooom!

(She sighs)

How come nobody ever listens to me?

(She hears someone laughing)

Apollo? Is that you? Get over here. I thought you gave me the power to see the future?  But nobody listens to me. And now I see the walls of Troy falling down. And no one will listen to me about that either.

(She pauses and listens.)

Fine print? What fine print?

(She pulls a scroll from her pocket)

I can't read this. It's a bunch of drawings. It's all Greek to me.

(She listens)

What? It says that?!  How could you do this to me? You gods think you're so smart. Well, I know what happens to you. And I'm not telling. See you, never, Apollo.

FIN

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(Adapted from the Hysterical History of the Trojan War)

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